(To the tune of Closer to Fine by the Indigo Girls)

I'm tryina tell you something bout my life
maybe give me a choice between Liz and the wife
and the best thing you've ever done for me
is to teach me about sexuality
cause there's more than straight after all
yeah...

Well, Kyle has a body that's incredible
and Michael has a pout that's hard to beat
And I wrapped my Liz around me like a blanket
I sailed my ship of straightness till I sank it
now I crawlin on gay shores

I went to the porn sites, I went to Liz Parker!
I turned to Tess Harding, I even tried to fuck her!

But none of these things ever worked for me
they just couldn't make my day
And the less I turn to girls to get me off (the less I turn to girls)
the closer I am to gay!
the closer I am to gay!

I went to talk to Michael at his apartment
with the posters of girls, about who I knew he dreamt
he held up a porno, he said, Dude, let's watch this
I thought it would be perfect, I really tried to enjoy it
But I spent the whole time wanting to touch his thigh
instead of girls, I dreamed of him

I went to the porn sites, I went to Liz Parker!
I turned to Tess Harding, I even tried to fuck her!

But none of these things ever worked for me
they just couldn't make my day
And the less I turn to girls to get me off (the less I turn to girls)
the closer I am to gay!
the closer I am to gay!

I stopped by Tess's at 3 AM
to seek arousal in her bosom, or possibly her hand
but nothing came up till I saw Kyle walk in the door
then I was twice as horny as I'd ever been before
and it wasn't from her hot lovin!

Oh I went to the porn sites, I went to Liz Parker!
I turned to Tess Harding, I even tried to fuck her!
Yeah, I tried to be arroused, I tried to want to do them!
But, I was thinking about Michael, and how I wanted to woo him!
So, now I go to the chat rooms, I go to the gay bar!
I put a pride sticker, on the bumper of my new car!

Cause none of those women ever worked for me
they just couldn't make my day
so now I don't turn to girls to get me off ( now I don't turn to girls)
And now I am gay!
And now I am gay!
I'm so glad I'm gay!