AJ pulled out his cell phone the moment he was off the plane and heading through the airport. He'd waited this long, putting all of his thoughts and energy into Nick and Nick's wellbeing, but he wasn't going to wait a moment longer. He was home now and other things were preying on his mind.
He didn't even have to think about the number, punching the buttons with his thumb as he hoisted his overnight bag over his shoulder, and listening to ring after ring after ring until he finally heard a sleepy, "Hello?"
"Timberlake," he said, without preamble. "I'm home."
"AJ?" Justin's voice got a little stronger, and AJ heard a loud yawn. "Hey man, when'd you get back? How's Nick?"
"Nick's good. Just got in. Were you the anonymous source that outed you when you and Britney split?" There was nothing quite as effective as getting right to the point.
Justin was silent for so long AJ almost thought he'd hung up. "Do you want to come over here?" he asked finally. "I can put together some lunch. You're probably hungry."
"Just answer the question," said AJ, even though he knew he'd already gotten his answer. "Cause that's a hell of a thing not to tell me."
There was another long pause, but at least this time AJ could hear him breathing. "I didn't do it personally, no," Justin answered him. "But yeah. Do you want to come over now? I'm pretty sure this is a conversation we ought to be having in person."
"Yeah," said AJ, exiting the building and heading for his car. "Yeah, okay. I'm on my way."
He made a conscious effort not to speed on his way there, not to get too anxious. Some part of him had known all along that he would probably hear exactly what he heard. All that were missing were details and explanations, and those he would have soon enough. His time right now would be better spent making sure he was ready to hear the explanations when he got them.
Justin was out front when he got there, though "front" for him was still invisible from the street. He bent over his flowerbed and pulled at an invisible something -- the whole patch seemed to already be immaculately groomed by his gardener. He jerked when AJ's car door slammed, but didn't look up.
"Lucy," said AJ as he sauntered up to him. "You got some 'splainin' to do."
Justin flinched again, but then looked back over his shoulder and gave AJ a tentative grin. "How'd you figure it out?" he asked as he straightened up. AJ liked it better when he was bent over; at least he felt like he had a bit of an advantage then. "Nobody knows that, AJ. Seriously. Nobody."
"Except Britney?"
"Not even her. She has no idea. I don't even think she suspects -- she thinks it was someone she worked with on her last tour, who she used to complain to about me."
"Lots to complain about?"
He shrugged and scowled but didn't deny it. "I was a pretty shitty boyfriend to her," he admitted finally. "But she was kind of a lousy girlfriend to me, so it all evened out in the end."
"But ... okay," said AJ, sitting down on Justin's front step as he just stood there, admiring his garden or just avoiding AJ's eyes, AJ wasn't sure which. "But why? Why would you do that to yourself? I don't get it."
"Because I can't come out," he said after a moment, like it was the most obvious thing. "I'm contractually obligated to not come out. This seemed like the only way I could kind of kick at the closet door a little."
"You got so much bad press--"
"No such thing," he interrupted, with a rueful smirk. "Okay, yeah, so they're keeping a bit more of a watchful eye on me now. But I planted the idea in people's heads. That's what I wanted to do. And every time I go out, and get seen, that seed sprouts a little."
"You're lying to them, at the same time as you're trying to get them to figure out the truth. That's messed up."
"That's how we live," said Justin. He seemed to really and truly believe that. "And really, someone else is lying on my behalf. A fine line, I know, but it's one my conscience can live with."
AJ shook his head, fiddled with the fabric of his jeans. "You know I'm all for doing what makes you happy," he said finally, "but this is all pretty calculated. I didn't know you had it in you."
"Didn't know I had it in me?" laughed Justin. "Have we met? This is who we are, AJ. This is what we do."
"No no," said AJ instantly. "No, don't go down that poor us, we have no freedom road. We've both had that conversation a hundred times with a hundred people, and it gets more meaningless every time. You know what I meant by that."
He shut up and nodded his head and looked a bit pissed, but if he was he didn't say anything about it. "So if you're not gonna smoke, then, we may as well go inside." AJ looked at him blankly, trying to put those words together with the rest of the conversation. "Smoke?" Justin repeated, staring at him. "That's why I met you out here. I thought you'd need to have a smoke for this conversation." He even leaned down to pick up an ashtray from the ground next to the step. "Not that I approve."
"Of course not," said AJ, pulling the pack of cigarettes from his pocket and knocking one out in one smooth motion.
"And the ashtray was Brit's. So I didn't go out and buy one or anything."
"Wouldn't have thought you did," he said, grinning the lighting the cigarette with a match. He shook away the flame then dropped it, still streaming smoke, into the ashtray.
"So how did you know?" Justin asked, draping his body over the bottom post of the railing and watching AJ for answers.
AJ thought about lying about it, but what was the point? Justin wouldn't be impressed. "Nick did, actually," he admitted. "Figured it out, or guessed. He's always been a smart kid, just never gave himself much of a chance to shine."
Justin laughed. "Man, I didn't see that one coming. Here I thought I'd pulled it off, and someone who I barely even know figures it out."
AJ just snorted and inhaled the smoke deeply, relieved that he wasn't gonna have to wait a couple hours until he was back in his own car again. "Well, it's not what I would've done," he said. "But it is working out for you?"
"It was the only way I could do it," Justin insisted. "And yeah, it is. I want to be out eventually, AJ. Seriously. Maybe not right away -- I know I've got a lot of shit to figure out yet -- but I'm pretty happy and comfortable and ready. But it isn't an option -- and just *don't* tell me it is, you know it isn't -- so I do what I can. You're not gonna tell anyone are you?"
"Nick, probably," said AJ, shrugging and sucking on the cigarette again. "He's earned it."
"Not Sarah?"
"It's not of Sarah's business." He blew a perfect smoke ring and let it drift toward Justin's shoulder, warping and expanding as it went. "Not really anyone's business I guess. I ... got a little worked up."
"You did."
"It wasn't any of my business either."
"It wasn't," agreed Justin. AJ stubbed out the remains of the cigarette in the ashtray and didn't light another. Didn't need to. "Glad you know, though. Secrets are hard. I'm used to sharing them with four other people. One-fifth of a secret is easier to keep than a whole one."
AJ stood up and put a hand on Justin's shoulder, squeezing. "So you said something about making me lunch?"
Justin blinked a couple times, then pushed himself up off the post and nodded his head. "Right of course," he said, picking up the ashtray to take inside. "I'll put together some lunch and we can talk about your visit with Nick. I have this thing this afternoon, though ... meeting with some producers, so ... "
"Don't worry about it," said AJ, opening the door for him. "I'm meeting Sarah for dinner anyway. I'm not gonna be all offended when you need to kick me out." Justin led him straight through to the kitchen, stopping only to empty the ashtray into the trash then leave it in the sink to be washed. "I'm probably gonna crash right after that, too. It's been a long couple of days."
"I'll bet it has," said Justin, with no trace of sarcasm in his voice. "You wanna grab us something to drink while I call for-- I mean, make lunch?" He gave AJ a grin and reached for the phone.
AJ laughed and opened the fridge and the first thing he noticed -- before even beginning to look for something for them to drink -- was that Justin no longer kept any beer in it.