THE WAY THE WORLD ENDS
PART VI

by Rrain Prior



The smell of dinner cooking reached Jim before he made it halfway up the 
stairs.  Chicken, definitely chicken.  And potatoes. Maybe something for 
dessert mixed in there too?  He took the rest of the stairs two at a time. 
 
"Hey, Jim," said Blair.  "You're early." 
 
Jim looked at his watch.  "Not as early as I'd hoped I'd be.  This smells 
great!" 
 
"Yeah, I hope so, man.  I wasn't planning on making anything much for dinner, 
but we're gonna be having company."  He dropped the oven mitts on the counter 
and walked to the door to give Jim a welcoming kiss.  "I was going to spend 
the afternoon at the library, maybe get all that class stuff done to free up 
some time this weekend.  But you know how these things go--" 
 
"Company?" repeated Jim.  "When did *this* happen?" 
 
"Oh, well Michael called up this afternoon, just to see how I was doing--
pretty nice of him, huh?--and we got to talking a little and...well, him and 
Gregory are coming over in about half an hour.  You don't mind, do you?" 
 
"Are you kidding?  I think it's great," he said.  "I need to get changed and 
washed up.  You need a hand with anything?" 
 
"No, no, I've got it all under control," Blair assured him, returning to the 
kitchen.  "I actually figured on having it all done by the time you got home.  
We don't have much to drink though, will that be all right?" 
 
"We can always go out and pick something up later," he reasoned, jogging up 
the stairs, "if anyone wants anything.  Do you figure on it being a late 
night?" 
 
"You know them better than I do," said Blair, opening the oven again.  The 
scent wafted upstairs, and Jim inhaled deeply.  Maybe this dinner would be 
just the thing to get his spirits back up; despite the progress they'd made 
today, the case was still weighing heavily on him.  It probably would until 
the suspect had been tried, convicted and put behind bars. 
 
Putting on a fresh pair of jeans and a nice shirt, he made his way back down 
and joined Blair in the kitchen.   
 
"I can watch this for a few minutes if you want to get changed yourself," he 
offered. 
 
"Actually, if you wouldn't mind, I'd love to have a quick shower before they 
get here.  I've been *slaving* away in this kitchen all afternoon," he added 
dramatically. 
 
Jim kissed the tip of his nose.  "Go shower," he said.  "You'll get your 
reward later tonight.  Whatever *you* want.  Anything I should know about 
this?" 
 
"Yeah," said Blair, disappearing into his room for a moment.  "The chicken is 
in for at least another twenty minutes and the potatoes fifteen.  If I'm not 
back by the time you take the potatoes out, put the beans on.  Got that?" 
 
"Got it," said Jim.  "Now hurry before I ruin something." 
 
"You inspire, like, *so* much confidence," he joked before closing the 
bathroom door.  "Burn it and you're sleeping alone, man." 
 
Jim laughed to himself and checked on everything before sitting down at the 
table and opening his mail.  Before he'd even gotten through seeing how much 
he owed American Express, there was a knock at the door.  
 
"Yeah?" 
 
"Open up, Jamie," Michael called out.  "And you'd better have a fire going 
'cause it's starting to rain out there."  Jim let the two men in.  "Jim, Greg, 
you remember one another, right?" 
 
"Of course," said Jim with a smile.  "No fire yet, I just got in." 
 
"Mmm, smells great," said Michael.  "Blair's some cook." 
 
"Yeah, well Blair's really something else," replied Jim.  "Make yourselves 
comfortable."  Hearing the shower stop, he went and knocked on the bathroom 
door.  "Blair?  They're here, hon." 
 
"Thanks," he said, and Jim heard his hair dryer come on.  "I'll just be a 
couple more minutes. 
 
Jim pictured Blair's copious amounts of hair and shook his head.  Ten minutes, 
minimum.  And that was leaving it more than a little damp.   
 
"You guys want anything to drink?" 
 
"Yeah," said Michael.  "You got any of that beer left from the other night?" 
 
"A couple," said Jim, grabbing him one.  Handing it over, he went back into 
the kitchen and watched the other two men get comfortable in the living room.  
Michael hadn't been lying to him when he'd said he was in love with Gregory; 
that was clear. 
 
Jim had begun to feel like he and Blair were the only two men having a 
relationship in the entire city.  Everything had felt so focused on them and 
them alone.  Now, seeing Michael and Gregory together, it was one less thing 
preying on his mind.  Even before being outed in the press, his life had 
rarely involved doing anything with other gay couples.  Another thing that had 
driven him and Michael apart. 
 
He checked on the meal, but it was all bubbling away happily without his 
interference.  All there really was for Jim to do was wait for Blair to 
return. 
 
<><><><><><><><><><> 
 
"Is something burning?" 
 
"*Nothing* is burning," said Jim as Blair stepped out of the bathroom running 
a hand through his, yes, very damp hair.  "Everything is perfect."  He turned 
on the burner under the beans and stood there with a defiant look on his face, 
tinged with a hint of amusement. 
 
"I wish," said Blair under his breath, but the smile remained on his face.  
"Go sit down, I'll take care of this.  Looks pretty much done to me." 
 
"Let me set the table," said Jim, not letting Blair protest.  "You always get 
everything crooked anyway."  It was Michael and Gregory's turn to watch the 
banter, holding hands on the couch and waiting for dinner to be ready.  
"Didn't your mother ever teach you how to set a table?" 
 
"No, but she did teach me basket-weaving this time on a commune in 
Colorado..." 
 
"Oh yeah," said Jim, rolling his eyes, "*that's* useful." 
 
"Lover's spat," whispered Gregory to Michael.  "They're adorable aren't they?" 
 
Jim shouldn't have been able to hear the comment, but of course he did and 
directed a glare in their direction.  Michael, in a supremely un-cop-like 
gesture, crossed his eyes and stuck out his tongue.  Jim burst out laughing in 
spite of himself. 
 
Finishing with the table, Jim walked up behind Blair and put his arms around 
him.  He loved holding Blair that way, loved the feel of the other man in his 
arms.  And, right now, he loved the fact that he could do it with other people 
there and not have to worry about disapproval or consequences. 
 
Blair must have been thinking the same thing, because he turned around and 
kissed him soundly.  "They won't care," he said, somewhat in awe of the 
realization.  While he had been staying with Ryan and Rob, carrying on a 
relationship with Jim like that had been the last thing on his mind.  
Now...now it seemed to be the first. 
 
Jim smiled--grinned really.  "Nope," he said and kissed him again.  "Dinner 
ready?" 
 
"Dinner?  Oh, right, of course."  Blair turned back to the counter where he 
had been putting everything into serving dishes.  "Yep, all ready to go.  Now 
*sit*.  All of you." 
 
Jim nodded at their guests and watched as Michael helped Gregory up, lingering 
a moment and caressing his hand with his thumb, then leading him to the table.  
"Blair, this looks absolutely wonderful," said Gregory.  "Does he do this for 
you all the time, Jim?" 
 
"Yeah, I wish," said Jim with a grin directed solely at his lover.  Blair 
swatted him with a potholder as he set the last of the food on the table. 
 
"Just for that you're cooking tomorrow," he said, finally sitting down with 
the rest of them. 
 
Jim groaned. "Can we get take-out?  I got a call from IA, and I have to 
testify in front of them tomorrow.  You know how grueling that can be." 
 
"Hey, that's great," said Michael, perking up.  "They're really going all the 
way with this, huh?" 
 
"I always knew having a friend in IA would come in handy some day," said Jim.  
"Thank God she was on my side on this one.  I think she's the one that made 
sure it didn't slip through the cracks." 
 
"Hey," said Michael grandly, "A friend of yours is a friend of mine..." 
 
"Uh huh, nice try," laughed Jim, spooning potatoes onto his plate.  "She's a 
hardass, Mike.  You're not getting *anything* out of her." 
 
"I have my ways," he said menacingly, wiggling his eyebrows. 
 
Blair laughed as Gregory smacked Michael's shoulder.  
 
"You just *try* and have your way with her and I'll have your ass." 
 
"He will," whispered Michael to the other two men conspiratorially. 
 
Blair nearly killed himself laughing while Jim watched, a little more used to 
Michael.  They all needed the release right now, so badly.  Conversation 
dwindled as plates were piled with food and ravenous appetites were appeased. 
 
"So why the hell did you have to take off so early the other morning?" said 
Michael conversationally.  "Couldn't that asshole David wait?" 
 
Silence. 
 
More silence. 
 
"You went to see David?"  Blair's forkful of potatoes was paused halfway to 
his mouth. 
 
"I..."  Jim shot a look in Michael's direction.  "The other morning he called, 
said if I visited him he would leave us alone.  Blair...that's all I 
wanted..."  Michael and Gregory looked at one another and quietly got up from 
the table; Blair hardly seemed to notice. 
 
"You didn't tell me," he said mildly, his body still frozen in place. 
 
"I know," said Jim. 
 
"Why didn't you tell me?" 
 
"Because...because I didn't want you to know," he said, brutally honest.  
Blair nodded, and nodded, and kept nodding.  "Blair?" 
 
"Yeah, Jim, I figured that part out.  Why didn't you want me to know?  Feeling 
guilty?" 
 
"I have no reason to feel guilty," he said, then smiled a little remembering 
all the conversations that he and Blair had had recently.  "I'm not the one 
who should be feeling guilty, he is.  I just wanted him out of our lives." 
 
"Don't protect me, Jim." 
 
//So he does understand.//  "How could I not want to protect you...especially 
now?" 
 
"Well, *don't*!" said Blair emphatically.  "I want you to be there *for* 
me...not be there *instead* of me.  By my side, not out in front.  Can you do 
that?" 
 
"Yes," said Jim quietly.  "Blair...let's eat dinner.  If you want to...we can 
talk about this later.  All right?" 
 
"Later," repeated Blair.  "We will."  He stared at his forkful of potatoes for 
a moment, then shoved it into his mouth quickly. 
 
Michael and Gregory faced away, leaning against the back of the couch and 
talking to one another quietly.  Looking like they weren't paying attention, 
when everyone present knew that they were. 
 
"Come eat," said Jim, looking down at his plate.  After a couple more moments, 
they did, but the silence was uncomfortable for everyone.  Blair didn't say 
another word for the entire meal.  The other three men tried to make small 
talk, but it was forced, and they were all sending one another apologetic 
looks.  Half the time, they didn't even know what they were apologizing for. 
 
"We're gonna call it a night," said Michael as they finished helping Jim with 
the dishes.  It hadn't turned out to be the dinner that any of them had 
expected.  He turned towards Blair, sitting in the living room.  "Blair, 
dinner was wonderful.  Let us do the honors next time, all right?" 
 
Blair turned to them and nodded, forcing a smile.  "I will," he said.  "Have a 
good night and thanks for coming." 
 
Michael turned back to Jim and spoke quietly.  "You two gonna be all right?" 
 
"Yeah," said Jim.  "Things are still a little tense, you know?  We'll be fine, 
just need a little time." 
 
Michael kept looking at him until Gregory took his arm and steered him towards 
the door.  "Jim, it was a nice dinner.  Hopefully, the next time we all get 
together things will have worked themselves out," said Gregory with an 
understanding smile.  "Mike, ready?" 
 
"Yeah," said Michael.  "Good night." 
 
Once they were gone, Jim stared at the door for a while before turning away 
from it and towards Blair.   
 
"You can yell now." 
 
Blair shook his head.  "I don't want to yell, or be upset, or be mad...I'm 
tired of it all.  I just want it to be over.  Even when I think I'm having a 
good time, someone can say something and..."  His voice trailed off. 
 
"And?" 
 
"I want to meet David." 
 
"What?  No!  Blair, there's no way..." 
 
"Why not?  It's not like he's any kind of threat to me, or to anyone.  He's 
just a guy.  A guy you used to *love*, mind you, but still just a guy.  And 
maybe if I see him...then maybe I'll feel different." 
 
Jim went and sat down beside him.  "It was a bad idea for me to go there in 
the first place," he confessed, even though it was something Blair undoubtedly 
already knew.  "And now, without police protection there anymore...it's an 
even worse idea.  No." 
 
"Then what's the address," said Blair quietly.  Determinedly. 
 
"I am *not* letting you go there alone." 
 
"Jim, *stop* it.  Stop protecting me.  I can understand if you don't want to 
go, but I do.  I *need* to." 
 
"Why do you need to, Blair?  Do you really think that by going there it's 
going to change anything?"  Jim instantly regretted his words, but there was 
no taking them back.  //He's not made of glass...stop worrying about breaking 
him...// 
 
"Nothing can change what's happened," said Blair.  "I know that Jim, I'm not 
delusional.  But there are things that can change *me*.  Things that can 
change the way I see things and the way I feel about things.  Don't you get 
that?  Don't you *feel* that?" 
 
Jim just stared at him.  "I don't...I don't want to do anything that's gonna 
hurt you--hurt us--more.  He really believes that what he did was right, you 
know?" 
 
Blair barked out a laugh.  "You know...I hate him, Jim.  Not for what he was 
for you, but for what he did.  But it's strange...knowing that he believed in 
it...it almost makes me respect him a little more." 
 
"You're kidding." 
 
Blair shook his head.  "I'm not.  Isn't that weird?" 
 
"Not for you, Chief, I suppose." 
 
"It's like...at least he believed in it.  At least he didn't do it for 
revenge.  But, well, I still can't forgive him." 
 
"I'll take you," decided Jim finally.  "But please, make *sure* you want to do 
this."  For the first time, he reached out and touched Blair, lightly, on the 
knee.  "God, this is *not* how I imagined our relationship happening." 
 
"So you've said," replied Blair with a wry smile.  "I want to go tonight, Jim.  
But first--" 
 
"First what?" 
 
"First I want to sit and relax with you for a little while.  That all right?" 
 
"More than all right," said Jim.  "This has all been so draining."  He sighed.  
"This whole thing, this whole outing thing...it wasn't like one big event at 
all.  It was more like this long, drawn out...*torture*, or something." 
 
"'not with a bang but a whimper'," mused Blair under his breath. 
 
"What was that?" 
 
"Just something T.S. Eliot wrote," said Blair.  "It goes 'This is the way the 
world ends, this is the way the world ends, this is the way the world ends, 
not with a bang but a whimper'." 
 
Jim smiled.  "I've read it."  Throwing an arm along the couch, behind Blair's 
back, he encouraged his lover to move closer, to lean up against him.  "But 
the world isn't ending, Blair." 
 
"No, but *something* is ending.  And something else is just beginning."  He 
smiled at Jim, and kissed him tenderly.  "It's not so hard," he whispered, "to 
love you."  He kissed him again, and began running his hand up Jim's chest, 
over his shirt.  "Maybe the other stuff...won't be so hard either." 
 
Jim was very careful about what he said next.   
 
"It's your call, Blair.  We've never explicitly come out and said all 
this...but you and I both know that I'm experienced." 
 
"I'm counting on it," he said, his arm resting across Jim's chest, his head 
still on Jim's shoulder.  "Let's go.  Let's do this so I can get it behind 
me." 
 
"You still want to?" 
 
"I still want to," he said firmly, getting up from the couch. 
 
"All right.  Let's go." 
 
<><><><><><><><><><> 
 
Jim turned the key and pulled it out of the ignition, then switched off the 
headlights.  Both men just sat, facing forward and staring down the street; 
turning their heads just a little to the right would mean looking at the house 
of the man who had changed everything. 
 
"Still sure?" asked Jim finally.   
 
Blair took a deep breath and nodded, then began to open his door.   
 
"Wait!" hissed Jim unexpectedly. 
 
Blair looked at him in surprise, only to see him listening to something 
intently.   
 
"What?  What is it, Jim?" 
 
"There's someone in there," he whispered urgently, getting out of the truck 
quickly and snatching his gun out of his back holster.  "Stay here."  As he 
made his way around the truck, Blair got out of his own side. 
 
"I'm your back-up," he said, leaving no room for argument. 
 
"Then back me up *from here*," said Jim impatiently.  "Watch the front door, 
make sure *no one* comes out.  If something happens call, I'll hear."  
Quickly, he made his way to the side of the house, then carefully rounded the 
corner, heading for the back door. 
 
     "Who the hell *are* you?" 
     "What?  Don't you know?  Don't you remember the names of all the people 
whose lives you ruined?  Didn't you ever think about their faces?" 
 
Jim recognized David's voice; the other he didn't, but heard the underlying 
sound of a gun being cocked, of it whistling quietly through the air as he 
waved it around in agitation.  He pressed himself up against the side of the 
house and made his way around, hopefully undetected. 
 
"Yeah, I thought about their faces!  I thought about their faces plastered on 
billboards so that people would *see* them!  See them as they really are!  See 
that it can be anyone, anywhere, and that it doesn't *matter*!" 
 
//David, don't be an idiot!  The man has a gun!//  Jim pressed his back flat 
up against the wall next to the screen door in the back and listened for a 
moment.  There was heavy, panicked breathing from both men inside and faintly, 
faintly, he heard the sound of sirens in the distance.  //Blair called for 
backup.  *Better* be back-up.// 
 
The breathing inside slowed, and Jim could almost *feel* the battle of wills 
going on between them.  There was someone outside, around the corner, too--a 
heartbeat that he recognized without even thinking about it.  //Blair.  I knew 
he couldn't stay put.  Doesn't he know by now I can *tell*?//  Jim's stream of 
consciousness did not detract him from the situation.  He tried to make a 
mental map of the interior of the room, figuring out where the man with the 
gun was, relative to the door, relative to David.  Figure out whether bursting 
through the door would save David's life, or cost it. 
 
"Freeze, police!"   
 
Jim made his choice, knowing he couldn't wait any longer, and kicked open the 
screen door, training his weapon on the gunman.  The startled man whipped 
around towards him, fear in his eyes.  His gun dropped to the ground.  Before 
Jim knew it, he was hurling himself through the window and, after a brief 
stumble, racing across the lawn. 
 
 
From outside the house, Blair was both relieved and frightened to hear Jim 
join the fray.  Then there was the eardrum-shattering sound of smashing glass, 
fragments of it showering down on him.  Shutting his eyes tightly and 
protecting his head with his arms, he could only feel the shape flying over 
him.  A moment later he shook himself off and opened his eyes, seeing a blond 
man racing across the yard. 
 
Jim was right behind him, leaping through the open window and following him to 
the back alley.  It took Blair a moment to compose himself, wincing as some of 
the glass fragments dug deeper into his skin.  Even he could hear the sounds 
of the man hurling himself at the high wooden fence, trying to get over it.  A 
few minutes later he came back in the other direction, Jim hot on his heels. 
 
Blair didn't think, just started to run after him.   
 
"Stop!" he shouted, going faster than he thought he could.  The pain in his 
side didn't even stop him as he threw his body forward and tackled the fleeing 
man.  "I said stop!" 
 
He barely even heard the sirens over the sound of his heaving breaths and his 
rapid heartbeat.   
 
"Over here!"  The voices and footsteps came closer; Blair didn't have the 
energy left to look up.  "He's got him!" 
 
Blair felt a hand on his shoulder, rolling him off the other man.   
 
"What the hell is going on here?  I thought you two had the guy!" 
 
"We *did*."  That was Brown's voice, coming closer as well.  "At least we 
*thought* we did.  Dammit."  Then Brown's hand was on him, shoving the other 
person away.  "Blair?  You okay?" 
 
Blair blinked his eyes open and shook off the dizziness that prevented him 
from rising.  He tried to speak and was almost surprised when he was 
successful, given how the rest of his body felt.   
 
"Yeah, I think so," he replied finally. 
 
Relief flooded Brown's face.   
 
"Jim would have killed me if anything had happened to you." 
 
It was quickly getting darker outside, the sun reaching that point in the sky 
where it hung, mere moments away from disappearing completely.   
 
"How'd you get here...so fast?" 
 
"I was working late," said Brown.  "Yeah, I know I said I wanted to get outta 
there...guess I wanted the case cleaned up more."  He turned to someone else 
beside him.  "Call an ambulance." 
 
"I don't need--" 
 
"The hell you don't," said Brown firmly. 
 
"I'm okay--" 
 
"Yeah, sure you are." 
 
"The other guy...?" 
 
"Unconscious.  Hell of a whack you gave him, kid!  We'll know what's happening 
here soon enough.  Jarvis?" he said, nudging someone next to him.  "He awake 
yet?"  Apparently he got a response to the negative, because he didn't go 
anywhere.  "Feel well enough to sit up?" 
 
"I told you, I'm fine--"  Blair's response was cut off by a wave of dizziness 
that overcame him.  It faded a little once Brown had him up into a sitting 
position.  "Okay, maybe not." 
 
"Blair!"  Blair would have known Jim's voice anywhere.   He turned to see him, 
no matter how much it hurt, and smiled.  "Blair are you all right?" 
 
"Yeah," he said.  "I'm fine."  He didn't, of course, feel fine.  He felt like 
death warmed over, if that good.  Every part of his body hurt, but it was 
nothing serious.  Bruises.  More bruises.  And probably a bit of a concussion, 
too, though he wasn't throwing up or anything. 
 
Jim was kneeling next to him and feeling him all over, looking for signs that 
he wasn't as okay as he said he was.   
 
"Dammit, I told you to wait out front."  Blair just gave him a look.  *The* 
look.  "Can you get up?" 
 
"I'll need a hand," he admitted.  "But yeah, I can get up."  He took a firm 
hold on Jim's hand and got shakily to his feet.  Brown stood up with them.  
"What the hell happened?" 
 
"Well," said Jim, smiling just a little.  "You, love, just caught our killer." 
 
Blair's first instinct was to scan the area and see who was close enough to 
hear Jim say that.  When he realized that the other cops were preoccupied with 
the arrest, he relaxed a little and let Jim slip an arm around his waist to 
hold him up. 
 
"I have a murderer to take care of," said Brown, trying to make a graceful 
exit.  "Jim, take your time.  I think it's finally over." 
 
Blair was standing under his own power, rubbing sore limbs and brushing 
fragments of glass off his skin and clothing by the time David was led out of 
the house.  Blair looked up, but it didn't hit him right away who he was 
looking at.   
 
"Jim," he said hesitantly, "is that...?" 
 
"Yes," he said simply, his voice gone flat. 
 
Blair took another good long look, conflicting emotions threatening to 
overwhelm him.  He was in no state for this, not anymore.  As they got closer, 
the officer left David's side and headed towards the vehicles, where the 
gunman was being placed in a squad car for transport.  David continued towards 
them until he reached Jim's side. 
 
It was a long moment before Jim turned his head to look at him, longer still 
before anyone broke the uncomfortable silence.   
 
"You were here," said David.  "You were already here.  How did you know?" 
 
"We didn't," snapped Jim.  "It was just dumb luck that we were here to save 
your sorry ass." 
 
Blair looked at David steadily, taking it all in.  He didn't see a monster 
standing there, just a man.  Just someone who would probably never really know 
what he'd done.   
 
"I wanted to meet you," he said, his eyes never leaving David's face.  After a 
long, measuring moment, he turned back to Jim.  "I'm done now." 
 
"Hold it," said David, "who the hell are you?" 
 
"This is Blair," said Jim.  "My partner." 
 
David squinted at the anthropologist.  "You're a cop?" 
 
"No," said Jim patiently.  "My *partner*.  Blair lives with me.  You outed him 
too, David."  Ignoring his former lover, he turned to his love.  "Blair, the 
ambulance is here.  Let's get you checked out." 
 
Blair took a last look at David and shook his head.   
 
"There's no point, is there?" he said quietly.  "No matter what I say, it 
won't make a difference.  You're not worth my time."  Turning away, he let 
Jim's arm come around him and together they walked away. 
 
<><><><><><><><><><> 
 
Jim rested his palm tenderly along Blair's cheek as they got into the truck.  
It had to be getting close to midnight now--a couple of hours at the hospital 
plus everything that had gone down at David's place had added up.  Aside from 
some cuts and bruises, and some bleeding where a couple of the stitches in his 
arm had torn loose, he was fine.  Sore, but fine. 
 
"Ready to go home?"  Jim asked him, thinking the question rhetorical. 
 
"No," said Blair.  Jim turned to look at him, open-mouthed.  "No, let's go to 
the park or something.  Get some air, some open space." 
 
"I really don't think you're up to--" 
 
"I am," interrupted Blair.  "I want to talk some more and I want to do it 
before we go home."  His eyes were very serious when they met Jim's.  "And the 
reason I want that is because when we get home, you and I are going to make 
love."  At Jim's stunned expression, Blair held up a hand to keep him from 
speaking just yet.  "There are things that I need to say and things that I 
need to hear--even if I've said and heard them before--before I can do that." 
 
Blair needn't have worried about interruption; Jim was speechless.  He'd never 
heard Blair say those things to him, things he'd been waiting a long time to 
hear.   
 
"Blair, what are you...why?" 
 
"Can't you just take it at face value?" 
 
"Oh, you have no idea how much I want to...but I need to make sure you know 
what...you've been so hesitant, and as much as I want you...I don't want you 
to do anything you're not ready for." 
 
Blair nodded.  "Drive, Jim.  Someplace safe.  Then we'll talk about this, all 
right?" 
 
Jim was ready to go home and crawl into bed and do whatever Blair wanted, but 
what Blair wanted was apparently to talk, so talk he would.  It wasn't like 
they still didn't have a million and one things they needed to talk about.  
Jim stopped the truck near a small park that was well lit and in a well-
populated area.  Having to find a safe place to go with someone wasn't 
something Jim had had to do in a long time, and he found he didn't much like 
the necessity of it. 
 
Blair got out and started toward a small copse of trees; Jim had to jog a bit 
after locking up the truck to catch up to him.  "Wait up, Chief," he said as 
he reached Blair's side. 
 
"It wasn't what I thought it would be," said Blair, cutting right to the 
chase.  "Meeting him, I mean."  Jim just nodded.  "I'm not quite sure what I 
was expecting.  To put a face to all this, maybe.  To find someone to blame." 
 
"What *did* you find?" 
 
Blair stopped for a moment to look at him.  "I found someone that you used to 
love very much.  I wasn't expecting that.  I mean, intellectually I've known 
that all along...but that's the first thing I thought of when I saw him next 
to you.  Your relationship." 
 
"A relationship that was over a very long time ago," Jim reminded him gently. 
 
"I'm not jealous," he protested.  "If there's one thing I've learned over the 
past week, it's that you really do love me.  Love me like *that*, I mean.  And 
that there isn't much you wouldn't do--"  Blair looked too embarrassed to go 
on. 
 
"Blair, there's *nothing* I wouldn't do for you.  Yeah, I know that sounds 
like a line out of some cheap romance, but it's true.  And we're going to need 
that kind of devotion and conviction to get through the next little while." 
 
Blair began walking again, looking around at the world surrounding him.  "So 
we're really out, huh," he said, like the fact was hitting him again for the 
first time.  "For good.  Are we gonna try and hide, Jim?"  Jim shook his head.  
"Are we gonna go out together?  *Be* together?  Not care what people say or 
think anymore?" 
 
Jim nodded.  "As much as we can, Chief.  As much as we can." 
 
"I don't know if I can do that," he admitted. 
 
"Blair," said Jim worriedly, "we can *try* to maintain a low profile, but..." 
 
"Not possible," said Blair.  "Not anymore.  No, I meant I don't know if I can 
not care." 
 
"C'mon, Chief, you've always done your own thing." 
 
"Yeah...but I've always *cared*."  He tried to pull his thoughts together.  
"Jim, I'm gonna be with you.  Hell, I'm pretty sure I'm going to be with you 
for the rest of my life.  That's not up for debate at all.  But I care what 
people think." 
 
"Guess we're going to have to change the way people think then," said Jim, 
matter-of-factly. 
 
"Easy as that?" 
 
He laughed.  "The only thing easy about this is loving you, Blair.  Something 
has happened, something that has changed our lives, and in a lot of ways it, 
well, *sucked*.  But that doesn't mean we can't make something of it." 
 
Blair smiled a little.  "I've already had all the bad stuff.  The looks, the 
jeering, the abuse.  Now I want the good stuff.  You."  While they'd been 
talking, they'd made a complete circuit of the path and were approaching the 
truck.  And somewhere along the way, quite naturally, they had begun to hold 
hands.  Blair paused again and ran a hand down Jim's clothed chest.  "I want 
you," he repeated, happiness and wonder in his eyes. 
 
Jim couldn't resist wrapping his arms around his lover and kissing him 
lightly.   
 
"Let's go home." 
 
<><><><><><><><><><> 
 
Blair hung up his coat and went into the kitchen, opening the fridge and 
pouring himself a glass of water.  His partner came in behind him, locking up 
and setting his shoes neatly by the door.  Neither said anything--but Blair's 
decision hung in the air between them. 
 
Finally, he set his empty glass down on the counter and turned to Jim who had 
been standing there, watching him.  He reached out an arm towards his lover, 
and Jim took it.   
 
"I was serious," said Blair, moving closer.  "I knew what I was saying.  I 
know what I'm offering." 
 
"I know," said Jim, taking a step forward himself so they were standing only 
inches apart.  There was nothing more Blair felt he needed to say, so he 
pressed his lips against Jim's, first just enjoying the sensation without 
worrying about its consequences, then slipping his tongue out to trace Jim's 
lips.  Jim moaned softly, his arms coming around his lover.  "Let's go 
upstairs." 
 
Blair shook his head, not even breaking the kiss, and lay his hands on Jim's 
hips, holding him without restricting him.  The kiss had to end eventually, 
and Jim looked into Blair's shining eyes.  
 
"What's the hurry?" he said, and ran a hand up Jim's side until he reached his 
neck. 
 
"No hurry at all," he murmured.  Even his body wasn't rushing this, coming to 
a slow arousal that began as a tingle in his groin and moved in waves 
throughout his body.  Blair hand lazily cupped his neck as they moved together 
for another kiss.  "The living room?" he suggested. 
 
Blair's hands instead pulled him towards the kitchen, quietly but insistently, 
until he was backed up against the island with Jim pressed against him.   
 
"You're a great kisser," he said quietly.  "Have I ever told you that?" 
 
Jim just smiled and nuzzled Blair's hair for a moment.  "Whatever you want 
tonight, Blair," he said.  "It's for you, and it's *up* to you." 
 
"I could definitely go for another kiss," he said just before taking one.  Jim 
gently lifted him up and set his behind on the counter, forgetting for a 
moment that Blair was definitely not tiny and delicate.  Now taller, Blair 
wrapped his arms around Jim's neck and his legs around his waist. 
 
For the first time he let Jim feel his arousal, and didn't shy away from Jim 
knowing that he, too, was turned on by this.  By *him*.  It wasn't quite such 
an alien thought now.  It never had been, in theory, but theory and reality 
were two different things entirely.  Maybe the reality wasn't the same as the 
fantasy had been, but it was ten times as fulfilling and a hundred times as 
genuine. 
 
It didn't scare him anymore. 
 
"I love you," said Blair, slipping his hands up under Jim's shirt and 
caressing his back, feeling the play of toned muscle as Jim's arms came around 
him again.  He hooked his heels around Jim's thighs and rubbed their groins 
together.  Jim cried out at the first electric jolts went through his body and 
looked at Blair, who had the most amazed and elated look on his face.  
"Upstairs," he whispered finally. 
 
Instead of letting him down, Jim took Blair into his arms and carried him, not 
wanting their bodies to come apart now.  Or ever, really, but he would let 
this moment in time be enough.  Blair kissed Jim the whole way up. 
 
"Let me take that off," said Blair as he was set down on the edge of the bed, 
reaching for Jim's already disheveled shirt.  His fingers snagged its edge and 
he began to pull it upwards, over Jim's hard stomach and defined pecs, over 
his broad shoulders, then over his head and onto the floor.  The body in front 
of him was incredibly inviting; he let his fingers trace down it before 
hastily removing his own shirt and dropping it to the floor as well. 
 
Blair still wore an expression tinged with awe, as though he couldn't quite 
believe he was doing what he was doing, but didn't want to stop no matter 
what.   
 
"I want this to be perfect for you," said Jim, moving to lay down across the 
bed next to Blair. 
 
"Perfect?" he repeated.  "I'm not expecting perfect.  The first time is never 
perfect, but it's special."  He kissed his lover tenderly.  "All I want is 
special."  
 
Jim pulled Blair down next to him and spooned up against his back, pressing 
his face to his lover's neck.   
 
"Whatever you want," he said.  "I've wanted this for so long...it's like a 
gift, Blair.  Having you in my arms is a gift."  He laughed at himself, 
softly.  "I know what I must sound like.  You see what you do to me?" 
 
"I like what I do to you," he mumbled, letting himself just be held in Jim's 
arms for a long moment.  "And I like what you do to me, too." 
 
Jim tasted his skin, tracing along Blair's shoulder with his tongue.  His hand 
slid down Blair's side to come to rest on his hip, waiting there hesitantly.  
"Blair...?" 
 
"Go ahead," he said.  "Touch me." 
 
Jim wasn't in any hurry, first brushing against the bulge in Blair's jeans 
lightly, then cupping it with his hand and caressing it with his thumb.  Blair 
moaned, increasing in volume until he was clearly audible.  Jim continued what 
he was doing, pressing his own half-clad body against his back. 
 
"Wait," whispered Blair.   "Wait."  As Jim pulled back warily, Blair quickly 
stripped his jeans off and threw them down with his shirt.  "You too," he said 
urgently.  "Please."   
 
Jim didn't need to be asked twice.  Jim didn't even need to be asked once.  He 
took off his pants and, after a moment of thought, his underwear too.  He 
wasn't at all bothered that Blair didn't.  When they were curled up together 
again and comfortable he reached out and gave Blair a tentative stroke, 
feeling his hardness through the thin cotton of his boxers.  "I love you," he 
said, feeling Blair's tense muscles against his chest.  "I love you.  All you 
have to do is tell me to stop and I will." 
 
"I don't want you to stop.  I do *not* want you to stop.  In fact, under no 
circumstances will I *permit* you to stop," said Blair emphatically.  He may 
have been tense, but he had no doubts about what they were doing.  As if 
punctuating his statement, he pushed forward against Jim's hand, increasing 
the pressure. 
 
Jim closed his hand as much as he could and began to stroke, slowly.  "Wait,"  
Blair said again and finally slid his underwear right off.  He shivered a 
little, perhaps from the cold, or perhaps just a physical manifestation of his 
overwhelming emotions.  Fluidly, he rolled over so that he was facing his 
lover, and planted a soft kiss on his lips.  "Now it's right." 
 
Jim was the one to deepen the kiss, not pushing Blair, just inviting him.  The 
invitation was heartily accepted.  Neither knew which one started moving 
first, or when.  One moment they were just holding and kissing and the next 
they were moving against one another in a near-perfect rhythm.  Jim felt a 
slickness begin to coat both of them, born of sweat and pre-ejaculate, that 
sped their motions until their bodies were slapping together. 
   
Blair held a hand up between them, slowing things down, not pulling away but 
not pressing in either.  Jim felt a cold chill move through him until Blair's 
fingers began dancing across his chest, tweaking his nipples and tracing a 
line to his groin.  "Too fast," he said in explanation, his lips less than an 
inch away from Jim's.  "Let me feel you." 
 
Jim was unprepared for the dive that Blair took towards his chest, his lips 
latching onto one nipple and sucking tenderly.  His body bucked then he 
groaned, loudly and desperately enough to send a shock through Blair's body, 
to make him suck harder and graze it with his teeth.  "Yes!" Jim couldn't help 
crying out as Blair released it and latched onto the other one.  He swore he 
could feel Blair smile. 
 
Blair's hands, which had been hovering at Jim's waist, dared to move down and 
touch his erection, making small, exploratory motions up and down and all over 
it.  Jim moved against him, hoping it wouldn't make Blair withdraw.  It 
didn't, and Jim felt more aroused than he had in a long time. This was 
*Blair*.  Finally, it was Blair in his bed with him, loving him and doing 
these things with him. 
 
Finally, they were together. 
 
Blair bit his nipple teasingly then let go and looked up into Jim's eyes.  
"Was that--?"  Jim didn't even let him finish, devouring his lips hungrily in 
response. 
 
"Blair...God, Blair."  Nothing was hesitant anymore as Blair let his hands 
come around Jim's back again and resumed their rhythm.  Both men had to gasp 
for breath between hard kisses and harder thrusts.  Blair stifled a shout as 
he came, but Jim's fingers digging into his back made him release his cry.  
Jim thrust against the warm wetness a few more times before he, too, reached 
his climax and echoed Blair's cry.  It was okay to let out all this pleasure, 
when for so long all they'd had was pain. 
 
Blair gave him a long, lingering kiss before turning over again so that Jim 
could spoon up behind him.  "I don't know what to say," he whispered, and Jim 
could actually hear the happiness in his voice. 
 
"Don't say anything," he said, kissing the side of Blair's neck as he held him 
close.  "I know."  Blair's breathing slowed from its frantic pace, and he 
shifted a few times in Jim's arms before beginning to drift off to sleep.  
//Exhausted?  I don't blame you//  Jim smiled indulgently and kissed him one 
more time before tucking his head against Blair's neck and letting sleep 
overtake him as well. 
 
<><><><><><><><><><> 
 
Blair sat anxiously on a hard plastic chair in the hallway, watching people 
pass back and forth in front of him.  He knew that Jim wasn't the one on 
trial, that he was only testifying about a crime done *to* him, but his 
pounding heart didn't see it that way.  He felt like the outcome of today 
would affect everything. 
 
He could have stayed at home, or gone in to the university, or even stayed 
upstairs in Major Crime with someone he knew...but at home he would have just 
been worried sick, and at the university he wouldn't have been able to get 
anything done.  As for Major Crime...well, there were a lot of reasons he 
wasn't up there right now. 
 
Finally, the door across the hall opened and a familiar redhead walked 
through.  "Blair," she said, acknowledging him with a nod of her head. 
 
"Sheila," he returned, standing. 
 
Then she smiled and Blair's spirits rose.  "Jim will be right out.  
Congratulations."  He shook her hand without knowing what had gone on and 
watched as she walked away.  Behind her came a couple of men in suits talking 
to one another.  Then Hyde.  Then Rafe, who gave Blair a dark look as he 
passed by.  Buccini was in handcuffs, being led past by an uniformed officer.  
Then came Jim. 
 
Without a word, he went over to Blair and took the younger man into his arms.  
"We won," he whispered.  "*Boy* did we win." 
 
"What happened?" 
 
"Buccini's been arrested for what he did," said Jim.  "And dismissed from the 
force effective immediately.  Rafe and Hyde are suspended for a month, and 
required to receive group counseling regarding their actions after which their 
status will be reviewed.  And--here's the kicker--station policy is being 
reviewed to explicitly cover situations like these." 
 
Blair was speechless.  He'd expected that Buccini would be punished somehow--
he *was* caught on tape--and had hope that Rafe and Hyde would at least be 
reprimanded.  But he'd never expected anything like this. 
 
"People can surprise you sometimes," said Jim, his arm around Blair's 
shoulders as they began to make their way down the hallway.  "And hey, it was 
about time something went our way." 
 
"I'm going to head out to the university again today," said Blair, "if that's 
all right with you.  And, um, how about tomorrow I come in to the station and 
we catch up on some stuff?" 
 
Jim wasn't surprised by the offer, not after everything they had done and 
talked about, but he was nonetheless pleased.   
 
"I'd like that," he said.  "When do you have to go back to teaching?" 
 
"Monday," said Blair immediately.  "Monday at 10:30 I have an intro class that 
I *really* need to get me lecture notes back on.  Today I just want to make 
sure that everything's in order, catch up with a few people that probably 
think I've dropped off the face of the earth.  That sort of thing. I'll only 
be a couple of hours or so." 
 
Jim nodded.  "Well, I have to check in with Simon, but this was the end of my 
day.  Meet you at home?"  After Blair indicated his agreement, Jim took him 
and kissed him right there in the corridor of the Cascade Police Department.  
"We have to celebrate," he said. 
 
"Yeah," agreed Blair, "we do."  They walked together to the elevator, then 
parted as Jim went up to Simon's office and Blair went down to street level to 
head off to Rainier. 
 
<><><><><><><><><><> 
 
Jim gave his customary half-knock on Simon's door before opening it and 
peeking his head inside.  Simon looked up from his work with a scowl before 
seeing who was there.  "How'd it go?" he asked mildly, though Jim could hear 
the tension in his voice. 
 
"IA'll be faxing you all the documents, sir.  But it went well--well for me.  
Will we be needing anything else, sir?" 
 
Simon motioned toward the door.  "Step inside and close that thing, would you?  
I just need you for a couple of minutes."  He shut the book and pushed it 
aside.  "Things going okay for you?" 
 
"Okay, sir?  I guess so.  Better than they have been." 
 
"That's good to hear.  I don't anticipate you having any more problems here in 
the bullpen...but you've got to know that people are saying things." 
 
Jim gave him a look.  "Probably more than you do." 
 
Simon nodded.  "How's Blair?" 
 
"Blair's in good shape.  He's at the university right now getting ready to go 
back to work next week." 
 
"Will he be back to the station?" 
 
"He says tomorrow, but I just don't know.  I'm sorry."  Jim leaned against the 
wall near the door.  "I have to leave it up to him; there's nothing else I can 
do." 
 
"I'd like to see him back," he said.  "And I know I'm not the only one." 
 
"I'll let him know, sir." 
 
"Dismissed.  I'll see you tomorrow." 
 
Jim nodded and left the office. 
 
<><><><><><><><><><><> 
 
"Hey, Blair, that book just came in." 
 
"What book?"  Blair barely looked up from his notes at the woman standing in 
the doorway, so he missed the amused roll of Angie's eyes. 
 
"The one you requested about a month ago?  Remember?  I was just down in Dafoe 
and they mentioned to me that it was in.  Apparently, you've been hard to get 
ahold of lately." 
 
"Yeah," admitted Blair.  "I haven't really caught up on my messages yet."  
Desperately, he wracked his brain for what book it was.  When he finally 
remembered, his face lit up.  "The Caron!  Oh, I've been waiting for that!" 
 
"I imagine you would have been," said Angie.  "I hear you were sick this week-
-I hope you're feeling better now." 
 
Blair looked up at her with wide eyes as the implication of what she'd just 
said slammed into him.  She didn't know.  She didn't *know*.  //There's 
something beyond Jim and me and everything we've gone through.  There *is* 
something else.  This time, it's *my* choice.//   
 
"I'm feeling much better now, thanks.  Jeez," he said, "I don't suppose you'd 
mind picking it up for me?" 
 
Angie sighed indulgently and reached out her hand for Blair's student card.   
 
"But *only* because you've been sick," she said.  "Got that?" 
 
"Got it," said Blair with a grateful smile, handing the small laminated card 
over.  "Thanks."  With a bright smile and a nod that made her light brown 
curls fall over her eyes, she was gone. 
 
Blair recalled with a bit of astonishment the reason he had requested the book 
in the first place.  In it were described observations on some Central 
American rituals, focusing on sharpening the senses.  It had nothing to do 
with Sentinels, unfortunately, but he'd thought maybe some of the exercises 
would be good to try with Jim.  The only hesitation he'd had--and he was 
laughing at it now--was that the exercises might be too intimate for Jim to be 
comfortable with. 
 
It hadn't been that bad since he'd gotten here.  Sure there were the people 
who knew everything, who looked at him sideways as he went by.  And the people 
who just knew about him and Jim.  There were the people who didn't want to 
talk about it, and the people who did.  And the people whose looks made him 
very glad he didn't know what thoughts were going through their heads.  All in 
all, he'd managed to get work done. 
 
"Chief?" 
 
Blair started at the sound of Jim's voice.   
 
"What are you doing here?" 
 
Jim shrugged.  "I can go if you want," he offered, his voice a bit tight as he 
tried to keep the emotion out of it. 
 
"No, no," said Blair, "that's not what I meant.  I was just surprised, man.  
Come on in...I thought we were going to meet at home." 
 
"I just..." Jim found he was at a loss as to how to explain why he'd come.  "I 
thought you might need me here.  I thought you might *want* me here."  He held 
up his hands in a gesture of surrender. 
 
"I do," admitted Blair, though the admission wasn't difficult at all. 
 
"Hey, Blair," said Angie breathlessly, appearing unexpectedly in the doorway.  
"Here you go."  She'd taken a step into the office before noticing that Jim 
was there.  "Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't realize you had someone in here.  Just 
let me back out somewhat gracefully, here..." 
 
Blair laughed.  "Come on in, Ange.  This is Jim.  He's my--"  Blair paused and 
looked up into Jim's eyes before making his decision.  "He's my lover." 
 
Angie grinned and turned to face Blair head on.  'He's *cute*!' she mouthed to 
him before turning towards Jim and offering her hand.  "Angie Osborne," she 
said before Blair had a chance to introduce her.  "I have an office just up 
the hall.  An office which I will be returning to just as *soon* as I hand 
Blair his stuff."  With a grin aimed at Jim this time, she laid the book and 
the student card very deliberately on Blair's desk and began backing out of 
the room.  "Just forget I was even here." 
 
Jim watched her leave.  "Not likely," he said.  "She's a bit of an 
unforgettable character, isn't she?"  When he turned to Blair, his love and 
gratitude still shone from his eyes.  "Thank you," he said.  "You didn't have 
to do that." 
 
"I don't have to do anything," countered Blair.  "I wanted to.  It was *my* 
choice to tell her...and I like it that way." 
 
"Listen, I'll just sit here while you finish up, all right?  I wouldn't want 
to interrupt." 
 
"You aren't," said Blair, and once Jim was contentedly seated nearby, leafing 
through one of Blair's multitude of magazines, he went back to going through 
the notes.  Meredith had filled him in on what they had gone through while he 
was away, and after another hour of compiling, reading and jotting, he was 
reasonably certain he could pick up where they'd left off without having to 
fly by the seat of his pants. 
 
"Blair, buddy, we're going out for a few drinks," came Andrew's voice, clearly 
being shouted from across the hall.  "Wanna join us?" 
 
"Cover your ears," warned Blair before hollering back.  "I got plans for 
tonight, Andy.  Maybe next time." 
 
Andy's head popped in the door.  "Since when do you have plans you can't 
change?"  He was quicker to notice Jim than Angie had been, and clearly knew 
who he was.  "Oh," he said, the bounce going out of his voice.  "You must 
be..." 
 
"Yes," said Blair, stubbornly refusing to let Andy's reaction get to him.  
"This is Jim.  I have plans with him for tonight." 
 
Andy nodded.  "Well, uh, see you around, Sandburg."  With another swift glance 
at Jim, he was gone. 
 
"Well, he was certainly friendly," commented Jim dryly. 
 
"Andy's okay," said Blair, but his voice was distinctly lacking in life, too.  
And he knew that Jim knew it.  "I told you...I can't help caring what people 
think.  But damned if I'm going to let it keep me away from you."  With 
determination, he was almost instantly in Jim's face, pausing only briefly 
before diving in to steal a not-so-brief kiss.  "I'm ready to head home now," 
he said, noting Jim's rather stunned expression. 
 
"Uh, yeah, okay," he stammered before he began to regain control of his 
expression.  "I stole someone's parking spot--hope I didn't get ticketed." 
 
"Right," said Blair.  "Two vehicles.  Meet you at home?" 
 
"It's a date," said Jim, standing up but not leaving the room before he'd 
taken a kiss of his own.  "See you soon, and be careful." 
 
"Always am," said Blair, playfully shoving Jim out the door. 
 
<><><><><><><><><><> 
 
Jim had the news on when Blair got home and seemed to be watching the screen 
rather intently.  "Shh," he said as Blair made a racket getting his things 
inside.  "It's about the arrest."  Blair joined him in front of the television 
set moments later. 
 
"No longer is Cascade's latest killer on the streets thanks to the efforts of 
Detective Jim Ellison, an officer in the Major Crimes division who was outed 
as a homosexual earlier this week.  Detective Ellison's personal stake in the 
case did not affect his efficiency as he took the killer down at the site of 
what would have been the next killing.  Neither did it deter his partner and 
lover, Blair Sandburg, from assisting in the arrest, which took place early 
yesterday..." 
 
"What the *fuck*?" blurted Blair without thinking. 
 
"I'll be damned," muttered Jim.  "I should have been expecting it, but--" 
 
"How *dare* they!  What the *fuck* did that have to do with anything?" 
 
"Whoa, Blair, calm down--" 
 
"I will *not* calm down!  They had *no* right to say that.  They didn't even 
*know*.  This is total trash...we don't have to put up with that..." 
 
"No, you're right," said Jim.  "Shall you call the station or shall I?" 
 
"Call the station?" 
 
"To put in a complaint about the integrity of their reporters," said Jim.  "I 
don't want to let them get away with this any more than you do...but ranting 
about it isn't going to help." 
 
"I...I'm just so damn *pissed*," spat Blair, collapsing on the edge of the 
couch with such force that it shook.  "Who the hell do they think they *are*?" 
 
"Whatever they think," said Jim, picking up the phone and dialing directory 
assistance, "they aren't going to think it for long.  Why don't you call for 
some pizzas?  Our celebration starts just as soon as I make this call.  All 
right?" 
 
Blair was still tensed up, but he nodded and stood up to get his cell phone 
out of his backpack.  "They're not going to ruin this for us," he said. 
 
"They're never going to ruin anything again." 
 
<><><><><><><><><><><><> 
 
Blair popped the last morsel of pizza into Jim's mouth playfully, leaning 
against him on the couch and watching an old movie with the lights turned low.  
A cup of hot tea had helped to calm him down; hearing the apology that the 
station had extended to both of them had helped more.  Jim's arm was 
comfortably around Blair's shoulders, squeezing gently every so often, just to 
remind him he was there. 
 
"What are we going to do?" he asked.  It had been an hour since the broadcast, 
since the call, but it was still in the forefront of his mind. 
 
"I can't make the decision for you," admitted Jim.  "And I'm not going to make 
you accept the decision that I've come to for myself." 
 
"Jim..." said Blair quietly, "I already have." 
 
A single glance told Jim how serious he was.  "It...it isn't right, what 
happened to us.  And it would be even more wrong to let it happen to someone 
else, and not do anything about it.  I don't know what I'm going to do...I 
just know what I believe." 
 
Blair nodded and remained curled up against him wordlessly.  His hand crept 
inward, from his own lap to the inner edge of Jim's thigh, then just rested 
there. 
 
Jim smiled.  "Don't go giving him any ideas, Sandburg...he's a hard boy to get 
back to bed." 
 
Blair laughed and teasingly grazed Jim's groin with his fingertips.  Jim 
caught them before they could make a second pass and brought them up to his 
lips to kiss them lightly.   
 
"Don't tease," he said with a grin. 
 
"That's no fun," said Blair as his other hand snaked toward his partner. 
 
"Seriously," said Jim.  "Do you understand what I'm saying here?" 
 
"Yeah, Jim, I do," said Blair, his hand pausing where it was.  "It's okay.  I 
understand.  Now let's stop thinking and start living all right?  From here on 
in, what happens, happens."  His hand started moving again, coming to rest 
cupped over Jim's slowly growing erection.  "And I know what I want to happen 
right now." 
 
Jim released Blair's other hand and turned to kiss his lips tenderly, curling 
his hand around the back of Blair's neck.   
 
"Okay," he said simply, and kissed him again.  Smoothly, Blair shifted until 
he was straddling Jim with a knee on either side of him, without ever breaking 
the kiss. 
 
"If it wasn't for you, I wouldn't have made it through this." 
 
"If it wasn't for me, you wouldn't have *had* to go through it." 
 
"If it wasn't for you, I wouldn't be in love." 
 
Jim closed his eyes for a moment, collecting all the feelings that had burst 
out of him, hearing Blair say that.   
 
"If it wasn't for you, I wouldn't be in love either," he said, opening them.  
He kissed him again, this time not letting him go until Blair's shirt was 
unbuttoned and on the floor.  "Shh," he said when Blair opened his mouth to 
speak.  "Don't say anything.  Just let me do this, okay?"  Blair nodded, and 
gasped a little as Jim leaned him back and traced circles around one of 
Blair's nipples with his tongue. 
 
Blair's head fell backwards and he moaned aloud.  Balancing him with one arm, 
Jim pinched Blair's other nipple with his free hand.  "Oh, God," breathed 
Blair.  His hard cock ground against Jim's as he arched his back and bared 
himself to Jim's attentions.  "Oh, Jim." 
 
"Shhh," said Jim, leaning forward and gently lowering Blair to the floor.  
Blair's eyes were still closed as Jim unbuttoned his jeans and pulled them 
down to just below his ass.  "Let me, Blair."  His hand closed over Blair's 
silk encased cock and he began to rub it lightly, feeling its heat against the 
palm of his hand. 
 
Blair moaned again, louder, and pushed himself against Jim's hand roughly.   
 
"Easy," said Jim, pressing a hand against Blair's flat stomach and waiting for 
him to calm down before beginning to stroke him again.  He could feel the 
wetness of pre-ejaculate through the fabric.  "I want this too." 
 
Listening to Blair's deep, harsh breaths, Jim swiftly pulled Blair's underwear 
down just far enough to let his erection free.  Blair hissed as the cool air 
hit it, then cried out as Jim's mouth closed over its head.   
 
"Ohgodohgodohgod," he repeated over and over again.  "Jim!"  Jim remained 
still for only a moment before beginning to slide the cock further into his 
mouth.  Blair's sounds became less coherent, reduced to moans, groans, and the 
occasional wail. 
 
Blair shouted as he came, an unabashed, primal noise that sent a shiver 
through Jim's body.  He swallowed every drop, licking his lips as they slid 
off Blair's softening cock and kissing his way back up Blair's body.   
 
"Was that okay?"  Blair's answer was a hungry kiss that took Jim's breath 
away.  He smiled and held his lover in his arms. 
 
<><><><><><><><><><> 
 
When Jim woke up it was still the middle of the night...he could just feel it.  
Something felt wrong though...he reached out to feel Blair's comforting 
presence and came across nothing but cooling sheets.  Instinctively, his 
senses expanded to find him and he traced Blair's heartbeat to the kitchen, 
just below.  Rolling over onto his stomach, he leaned up on his elbows and 
looked out over the railing.   
 
"Blair?" he said, just loudly enough for the younger man to hear him. 
 
Blair looked up in surprise.  "Jim...I didn't mean to wake you." 
 
"What are you doing up?" 
 
"I couldn't sleep," he said, wrapping his arms around himself.  The kettle on 
the counter in front of him started to make noises, but he ignored them and 
kept his eyes on Jim, waiting to see what his lover would say next. 
 
"You could have woken me, I wouldn't have minded." 
 
"I thought maybe a cup of tea would help me sleep, I didn't want to bother 
you."  Blair turned as the kettle began to whistle and poured the boiling 
water into his cup. 
 
"Are you coming back to bed now?" 
 
Blair shook his head a little reluctantly.  "One of use may as well get some 
sleep."  He expected another answer from Jim, but instead his partner got out 
of bed and made his way down the stairs.  Blair was a little embarrassed that 
Jim was still naked, but wasn't in any sort of mood to react.  "Jim?" 
 
"You want to talk about it, Chief?" 
 
Blair shrugged.  "Just nervous about going back to the station with you 
tomorrow, I guess.  Do you...?"  He gestured at the kettle, but Jim shook his 
head. 
 
"It hasn't been the same without you, and I'm not just talking about me.  
Simon was asking about you." 
 
"Why?"  Blair sipped his tea and, immediately deeming it too hot, set it back 
down on the counter. 
 
"I'm not the only person who realizes you're an asset, you know.  Henri's 
gonna be happy to see you.  And Rhonda.  And Tamra." 
 
Blair snorted.  "Don't be too sure.  I stood Tamra up the day after you and 
I...well, you know." 
 
"I think she's forgiven you.  Blair...if you aren't ready to come back, then 
I'll understand." 
 
"And if I'm never ready?" 
 
"I...I don't know.  You will be--you have to be.  Maybe not tomorrow, but 
soon." 
 
"No, it's got to be tomorrow," said Blair.  "You need me there." 
 
"I--" 
 
"You do," interrupted Blair.  "And you know it.  I'm as ready as I'll ever be, 
Jim.  Doesn't mean I'm not nervous." 
 
"Come back to bed," he said, reaching out for Blair's hand.  "We don't have to 
do anything; we don't have to sleep.  We can just talk, if you want."  Blair 
allowed himself to be led, crawling back under the covers and letting Jim's 
arm come around him comfortingly. 
 
"Aren't you nervous too?" 
 
"Yeah, I guess.  But I think I know what to expect, at the station." 
 
"It's gonna be weird, just working, knowing what we are to one another and 
knowing that *they* know." 
 
Jim nuzzled his neck and planted a kiss on it.   
 
"We won't be the first and we won't be the last.  The novelty will wear off 
and things will get back to, well, normal.  You've got to believe that." 
 
"I *don't* believe that," said Blair.  "Jim, nothing is going to be the same 
as it was.  People are gonna look at me, at us, differently." 
 
Jim recognized those same fears coming to Blair's mind again and worked to 
soothe them the only honest way that he could.   
 
"You're right," he said.  "It will be different.  And then everyone will get 
used to it, and it won't be such a big deal anymore." 
 
"But they aren't going to forget." 
 
"We don't want them to forget," said Jim.  "We want them to acknowledge us, 
and then go on with their lives."  He kissed Blair's neck again.  "Come on, 
Blair, get some sleep.  Worrying about it isn't going to change anything." 
 
Blair nodded and yawned, feeling a little more relaxed.  "I guess you're 
right," he murmured.  "G'night, Jim." 
 
"G'night, Blair.  Sweet dreams." 
 
<><><><><><><><><><> 
 
This time Jim woke to the sensation of Blair's fingertips running up and down 
his side.  He smiled to himself and remained motionless, willing the other man 
not to stop.   
 
"Come on, Jim," whispered Blair in his ear.  "I know you're awake.  I can 
tell." 
 
Jim mumbled something intentionally incoherent and didn't open his eyes.  
Blair's fingertips began to expand their territory, finally reaching one of 
Jim's nipples and pinching it lightly.  Jim cried out a little and rolled over 
onto his back.  His eyes remained closed. 
 
"Don't even try it, man," said Blair, leaning over him to get access to his 
whole chest.   
 
Swiftly, Jim snatched Blair and pulled him down on top of his own body.  His 
eyes snapped open.  "Morning, love," he said with a wicked grin, and kissed 
him. 
 
When they parted, Blair returned the grin.   
 
"Told you I could tell." 
 
"Now that you've started," warned Jim, stealing another kiss.  "You realize 
you can't just stop."  His hands were all over Blair's back before settling 
lower, cupping Blair's ass cheeks fondly. 
 
"I never intended to," said Blair.  His hand snaked between their bodies to 
touch Jim's balls tenderly, then stroked up his cock. 
 
"You're stalling," realized Jim.  "About going in today." 
 
"Shut up."  Blair kissed him again and didn't let go, beginning to rub their 
bare bodies together.  "Just shut up, Jim, for now."  Jim wasn't in any 
condition to refuse.  It was still explosive, feeling Blair's body against 
his.  To be making love with him...it just blew his mind. 
 
Blair pushed himself up on his hands and humped Jim's body, the slick friction 
of their cocks rubbing together making his muscles tight and weak at the same 
time.  Jim almost zoned on the intense look of concentration on Blair's face--
his closed eyes and furrowed brow and half-quirk of his lips that was both a 
smile and a grimace. 
 
"Blair," he gasped.  "Love.  I..."  There weren't words for what he felt, both 
emotionally and physically.  He was coming, but it was more than that, too.  
He cried out, his fingers digging into Blair's ass, and from the sudden 
tensing of Blair's body, the noises that were coming from Blair's throat, he 
knew that his lover was close, too.  After a few more hard, frantic, thrusts, 
Blair groaned and collapsed against Jim. 
 
Jim slid his hands upwards and around Blair's back, holding him against his 
chest and not wanting to let him go.  "I love you," he whispered.  "I love 
you, Blair...but we still have to go today." 
 
"I know," murmured Blair.  "Just gimme a few more minutes.  Okay?" 
 
Jim gave them gladly, and held him until the last possible minute before they 
had to get ready to go into the station.   
 
"I love you," he repeated.  "No matter what happens today, remember that.  
Okay?" 
 
"Jim," said Blair softly.  "I'm *never* going to forget." 
 
<><><><><><><><><><> 
 
"Jim," said Henri, not realizing at first that Blair was just a few steps 
behind his partner.  "There's a letter for you on your desk.  For you and 
Blair, actually.  Came special delivery this morning, man."  His eyes finally 
focused on Blair, tagging along behind.  "Hairboy!  Welcome back, man!" 
 
Blair smiled tentatively.  "Thanks," he said simply, catching up with Jim as 
he reached his desk.  Brown gave him a firm pat on the shoulder before picking 
up the envelope off Jim's desk and handing it to the detective. 
 
Jim nodded his thanks and Brown left the two of them alone, going back to his 
own desk.  Blair couldn't help but notice Ryf's absence and it unsettled him, 
even knowing everything that had happened.  And even though he didn't *want* 
to see him, it almost felt wrong not having him there.  Beside him, Jim opened 
the envelope and slid out the single piece of paper. 
 
"What is it?"  Jim didn't answer for a moment, and slowly a smile spread out 
across his face.  "Jim, you're really acting weird here, man..."  Wordlessly, 
Jim handed over the letter and Blair read it.  "Oh.  Wow.  I *totally* wasn't 
expecting this." 
 
Jim looked around his desk.  "I wonder if there's anywhere I can put it up..."  
Blair grinned and, breaking off a piece of tape from the dispenser on Jim's 
desk, taped the letter up on the glass behind them.  "Perfect." 
 
Captain Banks poked his head out his office door.  "Jim, in my office." 
 
"Your turn in the hotseat," said Alison as she made her way over to the desk.  
"He been like this since he got in.  Good luck."  Jim grumbled something as he 
walked away and Blair could make a good guess what it was.  "So how are you 
doing, Blair?" 
 
"I'm, uh, okay," he said.  "Arm's still tender, but it's all getting better."  
He blushed a little, remembering just why his arm was more tender today than 
most.  His bruises continued to fade--a few more days and he hoped they would 
be gone completely.  Maybe then it would be a little easier to let Jim look at 
him, the way he wanted him to. 
 
"That's good to hear," she said.  "What's that you've got up there?" 
 
Blair glanced over at the letter.  "That's...well, it's a formal letter of 
apology from KYTV for their broadcast on us last night." 
 
She nodded.  "I was watching.  Can I see it?"  
 
Blair moved out of her way.  "Sure, go ahead."  He watched a little nervously 
as she read it; Jim may have had a good idea what the climate of the station 
was like, but Blair didn't. 
 
When she turned back to him, she smiled.   
 
"Listen, Blair...I know people have been giving you a hard time, and I know 
some of them still will, but just ignore them.  Okay?  You're good for Jim, 
and Jim's good for you, and that's all that matters." 
 
Blair was taken aback.  "You mean that?" 
 
"I never say anything I don't mean," she said with a wink.  "I'm glad you're 
feeling better.  It's nice to have you back." 
 
"Yeah," he said, a little surprised at himself.  "It feels pretty good to be 
back, too."  When he was alone at Jim's desk again, he ignored the glares that 
came at him from other areas of the room.  It wasn't easy.  Blair'd always 
been someone who tried to be something for everyone, and this time no matter 
what he tried to do or who he tried to be, he wasn't going to win.  It made 
him feel somewhat powerless.  What made it bearable was that for every scowl 
he saw, there was a smile from someone else. 
 
Ten minutes later, Jim came out of the office.   
 
"So?" 
 
"So?" 
 
"So what did he want?" 
 
"Nothing much...caught me up on a couple of developments in a case I've been 
working on--" 
 
"Sandburg, my office." 
 
Blair raised an eyebrow at Jim, who shrugged.  Hesitantly, he made his way 
into the Captain's office.   
 
"Yeah, Simon?" 
 
"Sit down," he said, turning his back to Blair and sitting down at his own 
desk.  "How are you doing?" 
 
"I'm fine," he said, wondering where Simon was going with this. 
 
"I know...that we've never really hung out that much," said Simon.  "I mean, 
we've never really talked..."  Blair nodded and Simon sighed.  "Jim's been 
telling me a little, about you two.  Not much, mind you.  Just...enough." 
 
Blair nodded again.  "I'm sorry, Simon...are you going somewhere with this?" 
 
"Yes, dammit, yes.  I don't know if this means anything to you, or if it even 
matters, but you and Jim--it's cool with me.  I guess I don't understand...yet 
...but I'd have to be an idiot not to see how much he needs you." 
 
"That does mean something to me, Simon.  Thanks." 
 
"Good.  Now that that's out of the way, I have something serious to talk to 
you about." 
 
"You mean that wasn't why you called me in here?" 
 
Simon shook his head.  "I got a request from Simmons in Robbery yesterday,  He 
wanted to know if he could borrow you for a case they're working on.  
Something to do with rare artifacts or something like that...  I told him I 
couldn't assign you, you weren't a cop." 
 
"They really wanted my help?" 
 
"I told them I was going to have to ask.  If you want to do it, they'll pay 
standard consultant fees.  And if you're worried about Jim, well, I can 
guarantee you he isn't going to be doing *any* field work for the next few 
days." 
 
"Why me, though?  Why not someone else, someone professional?" 
 
"Well, Sandburg, he said they wanted someone who'd been around, who they knew 
they could trust.  You're the guy they want." 
 
"Wow," said Blair.  "Yeah, yeah, I'll do it.  Who do I talk to?" 
 
"Simmons...I'll give him a call--can you meet him after lunch, as soon as you 
and Jim have this last case squared away?" 
 
"Absolutely," said Blair.  "Uh, he *does* know about my university 
commitments, right?" 
 
"*Everyone* knows about your university commitments, Blair.  That's why you're 
here, officially.  Remember?" 
 
"Right," said Blair.  "Thanks, Simon.  For having faith in me." 
 
"Had nothing to do with me," said Simon.  "This was their call entirely.  As 
for faith in you--I had that a long time ago." 
 
"Thanks," repeated Blair.  "Is that it?" 
 
"Yeah, get out of here.  I'll talk to you later." 
 
Blair nodded and left the office, unable to keep the smile from creeping onto 
his face.  Jim couldn't have been the only one to notice, but he was the only 
one to comment on it.   
 
"Stop looking like you just got laid, love," he whispered.  "What happened in 
there?" 
 
Blair smiled enigmatically.  "Ask me at lunchtime," he said.  "I want to get 
all this stuff done." 
 
They stayed at Jim's desk for pretty much the rest of the morning, wrapping up 
the case and going over a few other things that had happened over the last 
week.  There were a couple of times where even Blair could pick up the 
comments that were being said behind their back, but no one came up to them, 
and no one said anything in their face.  It felt like a start. 
 
"Time for lunch," said Jim finally, dropping a pile of papers on his desk and 
rubbing the bridge of his nose.  "Let's get out of here, Chief. 
 
Blair nodded, even though he didn't feel the urgency he thought he would to 
get out of there.  So it wasn't a dream-come-true...it wasn't any sort of 
nightmare either.  It was a part of his life that he'd been afraid he'd have 
to give up, and found things weren't quite so bad after all. 
 
Still, he was reluctant to touch Jim the way he used to, for fear of what 
would be said or done.  No arm around the shoulders or the waist, no taps on 
the leg, no touching his face. 
 
"Come on," said Jim, standing up.  Blair got up and followed him out of the 
Major Crime bullpen, only to be stopped just outside the doors. 
 
"Jim?" 
 
Jim took Blair's hand into his own and, without giving any notice to anyone 
else in the area, planted a solid kiss on Blair's lips.  Blair smiled in 
astonishment as all his feelings for Jim bubbled up over again.  No matter 
what, dammit, everything was going to be okay. 
 
<<<<< END PART VI >>>>>

END