The Hardest of Truths
By R'rain


Meldrick slipped his key into the lock and prayed silently that 
Barbara hadn't drawn the chain across it again, locked him out like 
she had last week.  Thankfully the door swung open without even a 
creak, allowing him inside the darkness of his home.

He threw his keys on the counter, wincing at the sudden noise, and 
tried to slip quietly into his bedroom, unbuckling his jeans as he 
went.  He dropped his clothing heavily to the floor and had just laid 
a hand on their quilted bedcover when Barbara spoke.

"So who is she?"

"Baby, there is nobody.  It was a case, we worked late, that's all.  
Now come on and let's get some more sleep."

"Look, Meldrick, I don't want to fight with you about this anymore.  I 
know you're having an affair.  You know you're having an affair.  All 
I want to know is who she is.  You owe me that."

Meldrick sighed.  "Why you gotta ask me these things at one in the 
mornin'?"

"Maybe because you didn't come *home* until one in the morning," she 
retorted.  "You were my friend before we ever made the mistake of 
getting married, Mel.  Just tell me the truth."

He sat down in a bedside chair, his legs stretched out in front of 
him, and tried to figure out how to answer her questions without 
having her throw him out of the house wearing only his boxer shorts.

"Barb'ra.  Baby--"

"Don't 'baby' me, Meldrick.  Just tell me."

"The truth is," he began, taking a deep breath.  "The truth is that I 
love you very much--"  He ignored her indelicate snort. "--but maybe 
that isn't enough no more."

"Her name?"

"We can't talk about this in the mornin'?"

"You wait 'til the morning to tell me about this and you'll be telling 
me from the *other* side of the front door."

"You ain't gonna understand..."

"I don't *gotta* understand, Meldrick," she said, her voice becoming 
more agitated, "because I'm not the one sleeping around."

"I ain't sleepin' around," he protested, tired too of all the fights, 
all the accusations--true or otherwise--all they nights they spent in 
silence these days.  "It's just...one other person."

"Finally," she said, her head falling back against the pillows, her 
eyes closing almost in relief.  "Finally you admit it.  So tell me, 
Meldrick...who was she?  I just want to know."

"This is the part you ain't gonna understand..."

"So try me."

"She...ain't a she.  She's a he."

Her eyes flew open again and she finally turned to look directly at 
him.  "You're telling me you've been having an affair with a *man*?"

He nodded.  "I's sorry..." he said.  "Not for doin' it--I had to, I 
needed to--but for hurtin' you.  I never wanted that."

"God," she muttered.  "All this time and I never even guessed...not 
even when I knew I was tasting someone else on your lips.  Not even 
every other time you denied you had a woman on the side.  I still want 
to know, Meldrick...I want to know who I lost to."

"You didn't lose, Bar'bra...things just wasn't *right* between us..."

"Who?"

"It was Mikey.  Mike Kellerman."  He sat still and waited for her 
inevitable response.

"Mike," she repeated, her voice sounding more and more weary.  "Mike 
Kellerman.  That skinny little white boy.  I should have known."

"Hey, Mikey ain't just some skinny little white boy..." Meldrick's 
voice trailed off as he remembered who he was talking to.  "We all 
right now?"

"As all right as we're gonna be," she replied, rolling over onto her 
other side.  "I think we should talk to a lawyer in the morning."

Meldrick found he didn't even want to argue.  "It's over?"

"It's over," she said.  "It was over a long time ago, we're just 
getting around to saying the words now."
And she was all too right.  "Come to bed, Mel.  There's nothing left 
to fight about anymore."

He slipped under the covers and touched her shoulder, gently, before 
turning to face away from her, too, and falling into a troubled sleep.

     ~~~~~*~~~~~

"You're late," said Munch to his erstwhile partner as he sauntered 
into the squad room just past noon.  "I just got a call from the ME; 
our lab results are in.  You coming?"

"Nah, I gotta set down for a sec...you go ahead and I'll catch up."

"You sure?"

"Yeah, I'm sure," he said, sitting down and dropping his hat onto the 
desk.

"You don't look so sure."  Munch looked at his watch.  "How come 
you're so late?"

"I had stuff to do."  

"What could be so important you'd risk Gee's wrath to take an 
unscheduled half-day off?"  he pushed, relentless.

"How 'bout filing for divorce?" he offered, not even looking up.

"Ouch," said Munch, sitting back down.  "Been there myself, many a 
time."

"Yeah, well it's my first time down this fine road of accusations and 
paperwork so you'll excuse me if I'm none too exited 'bout talkin' 
t'you about it."

Munch clapped a hand on his shoulder.  "Come on down to the ME's lab.  
By the time Gee spots you, you'll already be on the job."

"Yeah.  Whatever."  He picked up his hat again and pulled himself 
reluctantly out of the chair.  "But I tell you, ain't nothin' Gee can 
do to make this day any worse."

The ME's results led to a suspect and the suspect led to an arrest and 
by the time the paperwork was all finished up it was long past time to 
call it a night.

"I'm assuming you're in no hurry to get back to your, I'm sure lovely, 
home right now," said Munch.  "Come by the Waterfront for a drink."

"No way, man.  Next thing I know you're gonna have me tending bar 
again 'cause another one of our employees up and quit."

"I will do no such thing," Munch assured him.  "It's Bayliss' shift 
tonight and I have it on good authority that he's handling things just 
fine.  Come, have a drink, drown your sorrows."

"It's gonna take a lot more than one drink to drown *these* sorrows."

"So be it."

     ~~~~~*~~~~~

"Guys, guys, sit down," said Bayliss, rubbing his hands together then 
resting them on the bar.  "What'll it be?"

"Coffee for me and something straight up for my miserable friend 
here," said Munch.

"Coffee?" repeated Lewis.

"Coffee.  Something tells me someone's gonna need a ride home later 
and if I trust you to a cab we might never see you again."

"That's right," said Bayliss sympathetically, turning to Meldrick.  "I 
heard.  How're you holding up?"

"I ain't.  How's that drink coming?"

Bayliss backed away in surrender, raising an eyebrow at Munch and 
pouring the drinks.  "I've never been married myself," he felt the 
need to comment.  "Not for lack of desire, mind you.  Just...lack of 
opportunity."

"I think you gots the right idea," said Lewis.  "You never get 
married, you never gotta end it."

"Well, if you want to look at it *that* way," said Bayliss.  "You 
don't *have* to end anything, really.  It's all a matter of choice."

"Yeah, *her* choice," he muttered into his drink.

"In my experience," said Munch, addressing the both of them, "it's 
never just one person's choice.  Both people have to have been making 
choices to lead up to said moment of choice.  You know what I'm 
saying?"

"Yeah, yeah, I follow," put in Tim.  "You're saying that it's never 
one person's *fault*, right?"

"Well, not exactly, Tim--"

"Excuse me," said Meldrick, "but are you guys supposed to be makin' me 
feel *better*?"

"Well, uh, no," admitted Tim.  "I think what we're actually doing is 
trying to figure out what happened between you and Barbara, see."

"And you couldn'ta just *asked*?"

"Would you have answered?" asked Munch.

"Hell, no."

"Well there you have it," said Tim.  "Not to be insensitive here, 
Meldrick...but your wife, was she, you know, seeing someone else?"

"Making time outside the marriage bed?" added Munch.  "That's a very 
good guess, Timmy."

"Thank you."

"My wife ain't *never* cheated on me," insisted Meldrick, draining the 
drink easily.  "Never."

"So it must be something else, then," said Tim, pouring him another 
without even being asked.  "Leaning on the counter, he lowered his 
voice sympathetically.  "Was it you?  Were you the one--?"

"I don't see no box here, so the both of ya can stop with the 
interrogation already."

Bayliss and Munch looked at one another.  "Must have hit the nail on 
the head there, Tim."

"Must have."

"I don't gots to take this," said Meldrick, shoving his drink away.  
"I'm outta here."

"Whoa, whoa, wait," said Munch, grabbing his sleeve.

"Come on, Meldrick," said Tim.  "We were just trying to, you know, 
lighten the mood here a little.  I know it's serious stuff here.  Come 
on back and finish your drink, okay?"

Meldrick looked at each in turn.  "Y'all ain't gonna push me no more?"

"Scout's honour," said Munch, putting on his most innocent face, 
unbelievable as it was.

"Awright then."  He sat back down and drained a second drink, waving 
Tim away when he went to refill it again.  "I know your game.  You's 
gonna get me tanked then ask me them questions again.  I'll take it 
slow, thanks."

"Just one thing," said Tim.  "My last question, I swear."

"Make it fast."

"Was that it?  Were you cheating on Barbara, Meldrick?"

The non-expression on his face told them everything they needed to 
know.  "Whatever happened," he said, "*if* anything happened...is 
between me and the person it happened with."

"And Barbara."

"And Barbara," he amended.  "Not you two.  Not the whole damn homicide 
squad.  You gots that?"

"Loud and clear," said Bayliss.  "Loud and clear."

     ~~~~~*~~~~~

"Mikey.  Hey, Mikey, open up."  He banged on the door as loud as he 
dared, still watching to see if he was being followed, as he had all 
the way to the boat.

The door opened.  "Meldrick, what the hell are you doing here?  It's 
the middle of the night!"

"I gots to talk to you, Mikey," he said, stepping inside and into the 
relative privacy of his lover's home.

"What, you don't think someone's going to *notice*?"

"That's what I gots to talk to you about," he said urgently.  Before 
talking, though, he pulled Mike into a bruising kiss.

"What do you mean?" asked Mike, giving him a gentler kiss before 
pulling away.

"Las' night, Barb'ra busted me.  For having an affair."

"And you admitted it?"

"What else could I do, Mikey?" he said helplessly, sitting down.  "She 
knew."

"So you told her," he repeated.

"So I told her.  And--"

"And *what*, Meldrick?  And what?"

"And she knows it was with you."

Mike's face registered the shock.  "You told her you were having an 
affair...with me?  Meldrick, what were you *thinking*?  You don't just 
blurt out to your wife that you're having an affair with a man."

"Blurt nothin', Mikey.  She's my soon-to-be-ex wife.  She gots the 
right to know."

"Shit," said Kellerman, sitting down next to him.  "How'd she take 
it?"

"She took it pretty calm," he said with a sigh.  "Even when she 
started talkin' lawyers, she was calm."

"She leaving you?"

"I think it was one of them *mutual* decisions.  She, uh, encouraged 
me to find someplace else to sleep tonite."  He looked at Kellerman 
hopefully.

"You sure you want to stay here?  Someone could see you."

"Where else do I got to go?" he replied.

Mike nodded.  "You know I want you to stay.  I just don't want you to 
get in any more hot water than you already are."

"Not gonna happen," he replied dismally.  "Can't have much more happen 
than already has.  Munch, Bayliss, they're tryin' to figure out who my 
mystery woman is--"

"Wait, you mean you told them, too?"

"Hey, what do ya take me for?  I told Munch that me and Barb'ra, we 
filed for divorce this morning.  Them two, they just started jumping 
to conclusions."

"Yeah, the *right* conclusions."

"Ain't nothin' I can do 'bout that.  'Sides, they's lookin' for a 
woman, Mikey.  They ain't gonna think of you.  Nobody's gonna think 
that you, and me, are gonna be together...like that."

"Unless you tell them that too."

"No chance of that."

"Why not?  You told Barbara?"

"Yeah, well that's different."

"What if she tells someone?"

Meldrick looked startled.  "You think she would?"

Mike shrugged.  "Why not?  Complaining to one of her girlfriends about 
you cheating on her, telling them what a louse you are, setting 
herself up as the injured party..."

"Hate to say it, Mikey, but she *is* the injured party here."

"That's not my point," he replied.  "My point is that it could slip.  
It could easily slip."

"So what you sayin' I should do, Mikey?  Tell everyone before she 
does, just in *case*?"

"No, I'm not saying that.  Do you really want people knowing you're 
sleeping with a man?"

"Do you?"

"I don't know," he said.  "I don't know anymore, Meldrick.  You and 
me...I think we passed just 'sleeping with' a long time ago."

Meldrick sighed again and stretched his arm out casually until it was 
resting across Mike's shoulders.  "I think you's right," he admitted.  
"But ain't no telling the guys on the squad that, y'know."

"You could tell Bayliss."

"Naw, man."

"You could, he'd understand."

"Even if those rumors about him are true--and I doubt they *are*--
Bayliss can't keep a secret."

"Okay, then don't.  I don't care."

"Yes, you do."

"Well, it doesn't matter if I care, or if I don't care, 'cause you 
have to do what you have to do."

"Why do you want me tellin' people 'bout us all of a sudden, Mikey?"

"I don't!" he replied.  "It'd just...now that you and Barbara aren't 
together anymore, it'd be nice not to be a dirty little secret.  It'd 
be nice to be able to tell one person--just one person--that you and 
me are together."

"Can I stay here for a little while, Mikey, or should I go find myself 
a nice, cheap motel?"

"Of course you can stay here, and you're changing the subject."  
Kellerman paused.  "The longer you stay here, the more chance 
someone's gonna figure out who you're staying with.  You know that."

"Yeah, I know that.  I dunno...Bayliss?  You really think--?"

"What, that he gets around?  I don't think, I know.  I've seen him 
places, Meldrick; it isn't such a big secret."

"If it isn't such a big secret then how come I don't know?"

"You don't know," said Mike, "'cause like much of the Homicide squad, 
you don't wanna know.  You don't care."

"Is there suppose t'be some sort of message in there, Mikey?"

"Only if you manage to get it," he said, finally offering his lover a 
smile.  "What's done is done and you can't undo it, Meldrick.  Trust 
me, I learned *that* one the hard way."

Meldrick closed his hand over Mike's.  "I'm tired.  Can we go to bed 
now?"

"Don't you mean back to bed?" said Mike, gesturing at his robe.

"Yeah, that too."  Pulling the other man to his feet, Meldrick kissed 
him deeply, but not roughly.  "Maybe this is for the best, huh."

"We'll see," said Mike, leading him into the bedroom.  "We'll see."

     ~~~~~*~~~~~

"Hey, Meldrick," said Laura Ballard, laying a hand on his shoulder.  
"I heard you and Barbara split up, huh."

"How'd you know that?"

She smiled sympathetically and shrugged.  "People are talking, that's 
all.  You know how this place is," she added, waving her hand in the 
atmosphere around them.

"It was those lousy, no good bus'ness associates of mine, wasn't it?" 
he grumbled.

"Actually, I heard from Stu," she confessed.  "I didn't know it was a 
secret."

"It ain't a *secret*," he said.  "It's just *private*."  He tapped her 
on the shoulder a little accusingly and walked away, into the squad 
room and to his desk where he proceeded to hunch over and make himself 
as inconspicuous as possible.

"I," said Munch, "have figured it out."

"Figured what out?"

"Who you were screwing around with."

"Hey, enough's enough--"

"It's Stivers, isn't it."  He crossed his arms over his chest and 
leaned back in his chair, sure of himself.

"Stivers?" repeated Lewis.  "You think it's Stivers?"

"I don't think," said Munch.  "I know it is.  No sense denying it 
anymore, my friend."

"I'm gonna deny that one to the ends of the *earth*, Munchkin.  You is 
*way* off base there."

"Methinks the lady doth protest too much," he said, getting up out of 
the chair with a knowing smile.  Meldrick just shook his head 
vehemently and went back to ignoring him.

"Morning everyone," said Stivers, smiling then frowning at Munch as he 
eyed her on his way by.

"Morning, Terri," waved Tim, smiling.  "How was your day off?"

"I," she said happily, "had a date."

"I'll bet you did," muttered Munch, soon shushed by Bayliss.

"That's great," said Tim.  "Did you have a good time?"

"Yeah," she answered, sounding almost surprised.  "I did, thanks."

Meldrick just groaned and lay his head on the desk.

     ~~~~~*~~~~~

"It's been a long time since we had lunch together, Meldrick," said 
Terri Stivers, sipping a spoonful of her soup.

"A long time," he agreed.

"Something up?"

"You could say that."

"I *did* say that," she replied.  "What's going on?"

"I just wanted to talk."

"Okay, well, that's what we're doing.  What's on your mind, Meldrick?"

"I guess you heard that me and Barbara, we're splitting up."

She nodded.  "Yeah, I heard.  Didn't think you'd be wanting to talk 
about that though."

"They's also sayin'--okay, well, they *know*--that's it's because I 
was cheating on her."

"Yeah," she replied neutrally.  "I'd heard that too."

"They think it's you."

"What?"

"They think that I've been messing around with *you*, Terri."

"Well, we ain't," she said vehemently.  "I certainly hope you set them 
straight."

"I did," he assured her.  "I told them it wasn't you but the thing is, 
they don't believe me."

"Why not?"

"'Cause I can't tell them who I was really with."

"Shit, Meldrick, this is one fine mess you've gotten us into this 
time."

"Look, I'm just telling you so's you know, 'cause it wouldn't be fair 
of me to know and not tell you."

"Gee, thanks Meldrick."

"I'm not sure...what to tell them..."

"You tell them that it wasn't *me*, that's what you tell them!"  She 
looked at him intensely.  "I don't care *what* you have to do to make 
them believe you, Meldrick."

"I can't tell them who it was," he said stubbornly.

"Tell me, Meldrick, what does it matter now?  The cat's out of the 
bag.  Everyone knows you were cheating.  What harm could it do if you 
were to give them a simple name?"

"A hell of a lot if that name is Michael Kellerman."

She looked at him, speechless.

"Yeah, you heard me."

"Mikey?" she finally squeaked.

"Mikey," he confirmed.

Carefully, Stivers took a long sip of her water.  "How long?" she 
finally asked.

"'Bout a year."

"A *year*?"

"This," he said conspiratorially, leaning towards her, "is exactly the 
sort of thing I *can't* tell them guys."

"Then why did you tell me?"

He leaned back and shrugged.  "I thought maybe you could help, if you 
knew."

"Help how?"

"Terri...is it really such a bad thing to have people think you were 
together with me?"

Stivers took another swallow of her water.  "Listen up, Meldrick, and 
listen up good 'cause I'm only gonna say this once.  I will not, ever, 
under any circumstances, lie for you or with you again.  You got that?  
I understand you not wanting people to know about you and Mikey, but 
find another way out because I won't do it.  I can't."

"Okay," he said.  "Okay.  Thought it couldn't hurt to ask."

"A year ago, Mikey was still on the squad."

"He was."

"You two weren't getting along."

"I think we two oughtta have gotten Oscars for that little actin' 
job."

"It was a lie?"

"It was half a lie."

"You were getting along."

"We were gettin' along half the *time*."

"Anyone ever tell you you are *seriously* dysfunctional?"

"All the time, Terri.  All the time."

The water was gone and she had started in on the soup again.  "I won't 
tell anyone 'bout you and Kellerman," she promised.  "But if anyone 
asks me about you and me, I'm telling them the truth."

"That's your right, Terri.  I ain't gonna push you for nothin' else."

"You sure?"

"Thanks for listenin' anyway.  Was nice of you not to freak out or 
nothin'."

"Gimme time," she said.  "I'm still in shock.  You and Mikey ain't the 
sort I pictured sneaking off to screw each other silly in your spare 
time."

"Hey, it ain't like that!"

"Well, you sure make it *sound* like that," she replied.  "'Affair', 
'screwing around', 'cheating'.  It sounds cheap."

"It ain't cheap."

"If you say so."

"No, you listen to me," said Meldrick as loudly as he dared, pointing 
his finger at her.  "Mikey and I have been makin' love for a year now, 
and I know we was doin' it while I was wearing someone else's ring but 
I tell you this--there's a helluva lot more love between me and Mikey 
than there *ever* was between me and Barbara."

"You love him?"

Meldrick looked at the table, then up towards the kitchen.  "You's 
outta water," he said.  "Lemme get you s'more."  He gestured towards 
the waitress while Terri watched on, both bemused and sympathetic.  
She didn't ask again.

     ~~~~~*~~~~~

"Have a nice lunch?" asked Munch knowingly as Lewis reentered the 
squad room.

"Yes, I did," he replied.

"Get your stories straight?"

"She ain't the one, Munchkin," said Lewis without the slightest sense 
of vehemence.  

"The why'd you have lunch with her today?"

"I had lunch with her," he said, "because she is my friend, and I 
thought I oughtta warn her about the vicious lies you're spreading, 
sullyin' her good name."

"A man of honor," said Munch, appraising him.  "I respect that."

"Well, good."

"Come on, Munch," said Bayliss from his desk.  "You've had your fun, 
now leave the poor guy alone."

"You heard him," repeated Meldrick, "leave the poor guy alone."

"Hey, I'm leaving, I'm leaving," he protested, backing up and sitting 
at his own desk.

After a moment, Bayliss got up and went over to Lewis' desk, sitting 
down on the corner of it.  "I wanted to apologize," he said quietly, 
looking fearful that they'd be overheard.  "We went a little too far 
yesterday; I'm sorry."

"S'okay," said Lewis.

"No, it's not okay.  I know what it's like to be on the receiving end 
of this group's gossip mill.  Just wanted you to know that I'm on your 
side, if you need anything.  We've known one another a long time now."

Lewis looked around the room, at all the new faces that had peppered 
the homicide squad over the past few years, and for a brief moment 
remembered Bayliss' rookie days...and how much everything had changed 
since then.

"Yeah, we have," he said finally.  "Thanks, Timmy."

"Hey, anytime."

"You gonna come by the bar again tonight?" asked Tim.

"I got a shift or something?"

"Nah, I thought you might want a drink.  On me."

Meldrick nodded.  "I'll think about it," he said.

Satisfied with that answer, Tim wandered back to his own desk.

     ~~~~~*~~~~~

"Here," said Mike as Meldrick stepped up onto the deck of the boat, 
tossing something at him.

Lewis barely caught it.  "What's this?"

"Keys," said Mike simply.  "To the boat.  Thought you might be needing 
them."

"Keys?" repeated Meldrick, a smile toying with his lips.  "Thanks."

"Don't mention it.  I just didn't want to wake up to you banging on my 
door at two in the morning again."

"You'd rather wake up to my cold feet on your legs?"

"Yeah, something like that."  Mike flashed him a grin.  "It isn't the 
greatest way to be woken up, but it sure isn't the worst either."

"I'll hafta remember that."

As Mike looked over the railing and across the water, Meldrick came up 
behind him and slid his arms around Mike's waist.

"What are you...are you nuts?" said Kellerman, trying to twist around.  
"Someone could see."

"Let 'em see," said Meldrick, kissing his throat.  "Who gives a damn, 
right?"

"You do, for one..."

"Gimme ten more seconds," said Meldrick, holding him close until his 
time was up.  "There."  He released him.  "That's enough public 
display for one day.  Let's go inside."

Mike looked at him, both pleased and wary.  "Sure."  He stepped inside 
behind him, closing and locking the door and eyeing him some more.  
"You want to tell me what that was all about?"

"What that was all about?" repeated Meldrick.  "That was all about me 
wantin' to hold you for a second.  Somethin' wrong with that?"

"In broad daylight?  Where we can be seen?  Nothin' wrong with it, 
just makes me wonder if something's wrong with *you*.  Anything happen 
today I should know about?"

"Yes and no."

"That isn't an answer," replied Mike with a smile and a raise of his 
eyebrow.

"I know what you're askin' Mikey, and it ain't like I stood up on 
front of the squad and declared my undyin' passion for one Mikey 
Kellerman..."

"Ah.  So who did you tell?"

"And it ain't like it was even my intention to tell nobody, but we was 
just havin' lunch and it, uh, came out."

"With Bayliss?"

"No," replied Meldrick.  "With Stivers."

"Stivers?"  Kellerman almost choked out the word.  "You told Terri 
Stivers about us?"

"It seemed like the right d'cision at the time, Mikey."  Stepping into 
the kitchen, Meldrick put a pot of coffee on.  "See, everyone was 
thinkin' it was her I was steppin' out with, right?  So I was thinkin' 
that maybe..."

"You were thinking she would lie for you?"  Kellerman shook his head.  
"She wouldn't do that."

Meldrick looked down and nodded.  "You're right, she wouldn't.  So now 
she knows."  He paused, his eyes glancing up at his lover.  

"How do you feel about that?"

"Me?  I don't feel neither which way about it."

"Liar.  This is me here, Meldrick.  The guy you've been sneaking off 
to be with for months now."

"It's been over a year," said Meldrick quietly.

"It has?"

"Yeah, I been addin' it up, since the first time we...you know...and 
it's been over a year."

"And we didn't even get to celebrate our anniversary," said Mike with 
mock mournfulness, coming up behind Lewis and putting his hands on his 
shoulders, kissing one of them softly.

"Awright, so that's how come I was thinkin'," he admitted.

"About."

"You and me."

"A timely topic," agreed Mike.

"An' how it's gonna be if I stay here on the boat, with you.  You's 
right, Mikey.  Somethin' like this can't stay a secret forever."

"There are lots of reasons you could be staying here with me, 
Meldrick," he assured him.  "We used to be partners; people won't jump 
to conclusions."

"Yeah, but..."  Meldrick paused and just enjoyed the sensation of 
Mike's hands moving up and down his arms.  "I think Stivers has the 
right of it here."

"What do you mean?

"I don't wanna go 'round lyin' any more."

"Being honest doesn't mean you have to tell *everybody*."

"No, but it means I gots to tell the people who ask."

"Like Bayliss?  Like Munch?"

"Yeah."

"Okay, I wouldn't want you to go and make some sort of announcement to 
Gaffney or to Barnfather and risk your job, but Bayliss and 
Munch...they're your friends.  They're good guys."

"You don't think they's gonna blab it to the whole squad?"

"I don't know, they might," admitted Mike.  "But these guys are your 
business partners.  Your friends.  You think they'd do that?"

"Naw...I don't."

"There you have it," said Mike.  "Scared?"

"Outta my *mind*, Mikey."  Meldrick sipped at his freshly made coffee 
with an only slightly shaky hand.  "I ain't never had to do this stuff 
before."

"Hey," said Mike with a smile.  "There's a first time for everything."

Meldrick turned.  "There certainly was," he replied, looping an arm 
around Mike's waist and pulling him close, kissing him deeply.  "Now I 
gotta go."

"Where are you going?"

"The Waterfront.  Bayliss offered to buy me a drink."

"It's your bar and he still has to buy you drinks?"

"It's the symbolism of the thing, Mikey.  You wanna come?"

Kellerman thought about it.  "Nah, I think I'll stay here.  You gonna 
be late?"

Meldrick smiled, kissing him one last time.  "I ain't gonna be late, 
Mikey, you kin wait up for me."

"All right," said Mike.  "I will."

     ~~~~~*~~~~~

"Hey, you came," said Bayliss, looking up at the bar's most recent 
arrival.  "I didn't think you were gonna make it."

"Had some stuff I had to do," explained Lewis, throwing his jacket on 
a hook.

"Billie," said Tim, turning to the woman nearby, "can you handle it 
from here?"  At her nod, he slipped out from behind the bar and 
approached Lewis.  "What'll it be, Meldrick?"

"Oh, hey, you know beer's jus' fine with me."

Bayliss held up two fingers to Billie, then led him to a nearby table.  
"I would have given you a call, but I didn't even know where you were 
staying."

"Don't worry," said Meldrick.  "I got a place to stay."

"If you didn't, you know, I have a nice couch at my place."

"Naw, it's not a problem."

"So, how're you holding up?" he asked, smiling at Billie as she 
delivered their beer.

"As well as kin be expected.  Ain't no unusual thing, these days, 
gettin' divorced."

"Too true," agreed Tim.  "You just look a little...stressed."

"We's all stressed, Timmy."

"Anything you want to talk about?"

"I ain't the talkin' type."  Meldrick sipped slowly at his beer.  
"Munch thinks he's got this whole thing figured out, doesn't he?"

"What, you mean who you had the affair with?"

"Yeah."

Tim nodded.  "He's sure he's got the whole case sewn up."

"He don't, you know."

Bayliss smiled.  "I figured.  That mean you're gonna tell me who you 
were really with?"


"Maybe.  Maybe not."  He sipped his beer some more.  "Why you guys all 
got to assume stuff?  I mean, coulda been someone you never even heard 
of."

"If it was, you would have told us straight off," reasoned Tim.

"Now that," said Meldrick, "was my mistake.  I shoulda just given you 
a name off the toppa my head and been done with it."

Bayliss shook his head.  "If you'd done that, John would have been 
asking you for an address.  It's the nature of the beast.  I just 
wanted to make sure you were doin' okay."

"I'm doin' okay.  So you don't wanna know, then."

Bayliss shrugged.  "Sure I want to know; that's just human nature, to 
want to know the lurid details like that.  Do I need to know?  Nah, 
not if you got some stake in not telling me.  It's enough you had to 
admit to the whole squad that you were cheating on Barbara."

"It just ain't something I want gettin' around," explained Lewis.  "If 
you ask me here, in private, then I kin tell you but when you ask in 
the middle of the squad room then I can't.  You see?"

"Do you want me to ask you who you were with, Meldrick?"  Lewis didn't 
answer, sipping his beer silently.  "All right, I'll bite."  Tim 
lowered his voice.  "Who *were* you cheating on Barbara with?"

"Mikey."

Bayliss looked started.  "Mike Kellerman?"

"Yup."  The last of the beer was quickly drained.

"Your former partner Mike Kellerman?"

"Yup, that's the one."

"Wow, no wonder you didn't want to say.  You, uh, want another beer?"

"No, I's fine."

"Mike Kellerman," repeated Bayliss one last time.  "I never would have 
guessed that.  Not just because he's a guy, but..."

"Don't look at me like that, Bayliss.  What Mikey and me got's a 
beautiful thing."

"You're staying on the boat?"

"Yup."

"I still never thought..."

"You weren't *supposed* to think," said Lewis.  "That's the point.  
And you ain't gonna tell *nobody*, right?"

"Hey, not if you don't want me to," he replied.  "Are you happy?"

It was Meldrick's turn to look startled.  "What?"

"I asked if you were happy," repeated Bayliss.

"Y'know...that's the first time anybody's asked me that."  He thought 
about it.  "Am I happy?  Gotta tell you, I'm happier with Mikey than I 
ever been happy with anybody before."  He seemed to sense he'd said 
too much and looked away.

"Good," said Bayliss.  "I'm happy for you, then.  Stay for another 
drink?"

"You know," said Meldrick, "maybe I oughta be gettin' home."

Bayliss grinned.  "Got someone waiting for you?"

"Yeah," he replied, standing up.  "Yeah, I do.  And Bayliss?"

"Uh huh?"

"Thanks for bein' okay with this."

"Hey," said Tim.  "Any time.  Have a good night."

Meldrick finally smiled.  "I plan to," he said as he headed out the 
door.

THE END