When I first wrote this tale, it was 2 o'clock in the
morning or so and I had already watched the episode 
"The Chute" twice.  They couldn't have thrown us better
fodder if they had tried!  <grin>  Then I decided that
one little scene didn't do it justice and wrote a little
more...and a little more...so here finally is the (relatively)
finished product.  Until the idea for a sequel hits me, that
is...  ;-)

Pudding and Pie contains minor spoilers for the episode "The
Chute".  It also contains consensual sex between two members of the
same sex.  If you have a problem with this, then perhaps you 
should consider lightening up!  It is rated NC-17 for said
sex and if you are under 18 you should not be reading it...yet. <g>

DISCLAIMER:  The entire Star Trek Universe belongs to Paramount and
I certainly claim no part of their territory.  But those poor characters,
they never let them have any fun....

Pudding and Pie
by R'rain Prior
umpriork@cc.umanitoba.ca


Harry shoveled another mouthful of cherry pie in his mouth 
as Tom returned to the replicator to get a rather large 
portion of fudge ripple pudding.  They'd barely said two 
words to one another once they"d gotten to the replicator in 
Tom's quarters.  Harry finished off that second piece, then 
stopped to digest for a few moments.  Without that constant 
activity to occupy him, though, his mind and mouth were free 
to go in another direction.

"Tom," he said, "When I thought you were going to die, I..."  
Harry paused,  "There are things that I should have said, 
that I should have done...and I didn't."

"Harry, you did everything you could, and more," Tom's 
appetite was still going strong, and he punctuated his 
statement with a slurp of the pudding off his finger, 
"You're stronger than anyone ever gave you credit for.  
Don't blame yourself for..."

"That's not what I mean.  When you told me I had to leave 
you behind, I knew...I knew I could never do that.   Never, 
Tom!  And then when you said, later, when you were hurt and 
scared, "don't leave me here"...that was when...Tom...I 
don't know how to say this..."

Tom knew what Harry was going to say.  He knew it from the 
moment Harry opened his mouth.  The time they spent 
together--nothing could have been more intimate, nothing 
else could have done to them what it did, pushed to the 
forefront what had only lingered in the background before.

"I could never have left behind the man I...the man I love.  
I love you, Tom!  I would have died rather than let them 
hurt you again."  Harry said his words all in a rush, then 
looked down, unable to face his best friend after what he 
had just confessed.

Tom dropped the dessert onto the table and pulled Harry into 
his arms.  "Gods, Harry, did you think I wouldn't have 
wanted to hear that?  Did you think I wouldn't have said it 
myself before the night was over?"

"You...?"  Harry never finished the question, he just pulled 
Tom to his lips and kissed him, hard.  "I want you so bad it 
hurts me inside," he whispered between kisses, "I want you 
now...even more than the pudding."  They both laughed, "I 
want to eat you alive."

"Harry,"  chuckled Tom when he had the chance, "you've 
changed.  Whatever happened to the shy little ensign who 
used to blush when the word sex was mentioned?"

"I want to rip all your clothes off and take you right 
here," continued Harry, "I wanted to do all these things 
when we were still in then prison, but I knew we couldn't."  
He smiled and began to pull Tom's uniform off, "I want to be 
with you tonight and tomorrow night and every night for the 
rest of our lives.  It's not just the time we spent together 
there, it's everything since I met you.   Everything has led 
us here, now.  Oh gods, Tom, tell me you feel the same."
There was such a desperate quality in his voice, as though 
he still feared rejection from his friend-turning-lover.

Tom didn't answer, he pulled Harry to the floor on top of 
him and began kissing him again barely stopping for breath.  
"I'm still hungry," he said.

"But not for cherry pie, I hope."

Tom smiled as he kissed Harry's lips, his nose, his eyes... 
"Don't be too sure...you *are* one aren't you?"

Harry just blushed and soon they were devouring one another 
in earnest.  Pieces of their uniforms became scattered 
around the room; they were naked and hot and in one 
another's arms.  "Gods, you're real, you're alive, we're 
safe," said Harry.

"We're together," added Tom.

"Finally.  If you knew...."

"How long you wanted this?  As long as I have, maybe?  Don't 
talk, Harry, we have the rest of our lives to talk."  And 
Tom silenced him with another kiss--slower, more sensual.  
Their frantic first moments were replaced by a calm 
knowledge that they had all night for this, that this was 
their first time, but certainly not the last, that neither 
one of them was going to leave.  Not now, not ever.

Tom nibbled on Harry's earlobe and ran his tongue along his 
jawline to his throat which he nibbled and sucked on until 
Harry moaned and reached up to entangle his fingers in Tom's 
hair.  He took a deep breath and let it out slowly, closing 
his eyes and reaching out for Tom's body.

Tom gasped and his back arched as Harry's hand ran down his 
spine, across his smooth, firm buttocks.  As it moved 
further, to the warm area between his legs, to cup his balls 
in his soft palm.  Tom bit off a sarcastic response--it was 
his reflex in a situation where he didn't have full 
control...but he didn't want to break the moment.  Not this 
time.

"Mmmm," he said instead, and continued to work on Harry's 
neck and shoulders.  It was so comfortable, so right.  Why 
hadn't they realized it sooner?  But no, things happened 
when they happened for a reason, and the right time was now.
He moved to Harry's mouth again, and traced his lips with a 
curious tongue.  Harry let him, but was far from passive.  
The hand he held in Tom's groin, thumb slowly stroking him, 
came to life, grasping his hardness firmly at first, then 
more gently, stroking it slowly, then pausing as Tom softly 
cried out for more.

He bit hard into Harry's lip when he stopped, trying to 
somehow muffle his eagerness.  "Damn these walls," said Tom, 
"anyone passing by can hear us if they want."

"So what if they do?" said Harry, "So what if they do?  I 
don't care if the Captain herself has an ear pressed to the 
door right now, I still want you." And with that both of his 
hands reached down and grasped Tom from behind, slowly 
spreading him apart, slowly working their way inward.

Tom hissed slightly and Harry stopped, concerned, but still 
flushed with pleasure and obviously wanting more.  "Are you 
all right?"  Tom was ready to say no, ready to tell Harry 
that he couldn't do this any more, not like this.  But he 
stopped himself when he realized that was no longer true.  
Someday, someday soon, he would tell Harry what it had been 
like in New Zealand, what he had gone through there that had 
made him who he was, but not now.  He didn't need to now, 
and he wouldn't let the memories consume him any more.  He 
may have been in prison a few short hours ago, but it was so 
different, so very different this time.

"I'm fine," said Tom, forcibly relaxing his tightened 
muscles, 'more than fine, actually.  " He smiled at Harry 
and put a hand to Harry's cheek.  "Would now be the time to 
tell you how very beautiful you are?"
	
"Only if I get to tell you how devastatingly handsome *you* 
are," retorted Harry, and resumed where he had left off.  It 
was so odd, the position they had found themselves in during 
the past few days.  Harry the protector and Tom the 
protected.  They had been one extreme, then the other, and 
now it was time to meet somewhere in the middle.

He gasped again as Harry began to work one unlubricated 
finger into him.  "Harry," he managed to get out, "Do you 
have any..."

"Pudding?" said Harry with a laugh, grabbing it off the 
table.  He fed Tom a fingerful of the delightfully gooey 
mess, the coated his finger again and began where he left 
off.  This time, Tom's gasp contained a sigh, and he relaxed 
even further.  Harry worked two, then three fingers in 
before withdrawing them all to stroke Tom's back.

"What...?"

"Shhhh," said Harry, "I just want to touch you, to feel you.  
You may not be cherry pie, but you are just as sweet and 
tangy."  He slowly worked his way around, until he was 
behind his friend.  Tom was amused by Harry's metaphor.  
Admittedly, he was no stranger to sexual relations, but to 
emotion...he was not as well acquainted with that as he 
would have liked to be.  But that was the past.

"Tom, I want to..."

"I want you to."  The question did not need to be finished.  
Thoughts didn't even need to be finished now. Slowly, 
carefully, he pushed himself inside Tom.  Gentle motions 
punctuated with hard thrusts.  Their lovemaking all evening 
had been that way, languid exploration coupled with 
undeniable passion beneath the surface.  But his pace 
quickened, and Tom began to move with him, to push back 
against him with each thrust.  His own erection rubbed 
against the floor, bringing him closer and closer to climax.

When Harry came he cried out and held Tom even tighter, 
biting into his neck.  The pressure, the pain, the raw 
emotion...Tom came too, unabashedly crying out despite his 
earlier concern.  And they lay there panting in one 
another's arms, tears leaking out amid the smiles.  There 
was so much there, so much to feel and to say that they did 
nothing but be thankful for the other's company.  And then 
they slept, peacefully and safely for the first time in 
days, Tom pulling down the blanket off his bed to keep them 
warm.

***************


Tom awoke first, amid the tangle of blankets and flesh, and 
waited for the memories to catch up with him.  In bed, with 
his best friend, was somewhere he usually ended up in his 
dreams, not in the morning.  The interrogation.  The prison.  
The jailbreak.  The homecoming.  And a special homecoming 
gift that only Harry could have given him...it was all there 
in a flash.  Tom smiled at the memory.  There had been so 
little to smile at in his life that he created his own 
moments, his own brand of humour that made a smile available 
in almost any circumstance.  It was not always appreciated, 
but it was all he had.

Harry murmured and pressed his face into Tom's neck.  
"Morning," he mumbled.  Tom was infinitely grateful that the 
Captain had given them a day's leave before they had to 
return to their stations.

"Good morning," said Tom lightly, "and how did you sleep?"

"Wonderfully.  Beautifully.  We don't have to get up yet, do 
we?"  His arm, already around Tom's torso, gave him a little 
squeeze.

"Not if you don't want to," said Tom.  They lay there 
together silently for a few more moments.  The previous 
evening had been so perfect.  There was only one thing 
missing.  "Harry," said Tom softly, so softly Harry barely 
heard him.

"Yes?"

"I love you."  It was as simple as that.  And when he heard 
it, Harry smiled so beautifully that it lit up his whole 
face.

"Tom," he said, his breath catching, "I think I've waited my 
entire life for someone to say those words and mean them.  I 
love you too, with everything I am and everything I ever 
will be.  I know what some people are going to say, that 
this was just this once, that it was an outpouring of excess 
emotions--fear, hopelessness, relief.  But it wasn't that at 
all.  At all!"

"I know," said Tom, cupping Harry's face in his hands, "And 
I know that is what some people might think.  Or a lot of 
people.  I can't say just yet.  And they might try and tell 
you I'm no good, I'm toying with you.  But Harry," and Tom 
looked deeply into his eyes, "I'm not.  I love you, and I 
mean it."  And then they kissed, as if to seal the promises 
they had just made to one another.  "So does this mean I 
don't have to use the Delaneys as an excuse to go out with 
you any more?"

Harry laughed, "Never again.  I'll go out with you anywhere, 
any time.  Starting...now, I think."  His statement was 
punctuated by the rumbling of his stomach, "Breakfast?"

"Since neither one of us will have any replicator rations 
for the next while, it looks like it is going to be Neelix's 
cooking for us this morning."

"Well, at least now I can honestly say that I've lived 
through worse," said Harry.  Then he paused.  "Tom, are we 
going to talk about it again...ever?"

Tom thought about it and then nodded, "We will, Harry.  
We'll need to.  And I'll need to talk about some things too, 
but that can wait a while.  Wait until we're settled, until 
we realize just what a change this is going to make in our 
lives."

"Okay,"  said Harry, then, "Change?"

"Well, we can talk about that later," said Tom, getting up, 
"Get dressed, Harry, unless you *really* want people to know 
what's up.  And I'm warning you, I will take you right then 
and there if you are standing nude in front of me."

Harry blushed, but Tom knew well by now that Harry was no 
longer an innocent.  "Off to the mess hall then?"  They 
shared a mutual grimace, but pulled on their civvies and 
headed out of Tom's quarters together.  And together did 
indeed mean together, Tom with his arm around Harry's 
shoulders.  It was nothing they wouldn't have done on any 
other day, but there was glow about them that betrayed their 
new relationship.

"Soooooo, after breakfast, what then?" asked Harry.  Neither 
one of them had give much thought to "after".   Their 
priority was to return home...then have a good meal...and 
nothing more.

"Then, we go back to my place?" said Tom with a smirk on his 
face, "Or yours?"

Harry grinned, "Don't you ever get enough?"

"Oh, just you wait, Harry.  You'll find out.  So, to use the 
old line again...your place or mine.  Or...ours?"

Harry started.  "Ours?  Whoa, Tom, slow down there.  I'm not 
sure..."

"If you aren't sure, Harry, then we don't.  Do you think I 
want to make you do anything you don't want to?"

"I'm not sure I'm ready...yet," he clarified with an 
endearing smile,  "I don't have to decide this minute, do 
I?"

"And on an empty stomach no less!  Noo, Harry, I think I can 
give you at least...an hour or so."  He turned away from 
Harry and began moving down the corridor again.

"Gee thanks, Tom," said Harry, but he couldn't keep the 
smile off his face.  It was all still so new, so special.  
Yet there was also something dark and sinister still lurking 
in his mind.  The memories of the prison, of his attack on 
Tom.  These things were still preying on his conscience, and 
he couldn't truly be happy until they were dealt with.

They entered the mess hall together and, after being served 
up trays of a bluish-gray substance by Neelix, sat down at 
the table they usually ended up sharing with B'Elanna.  Sure 
enough, she raced in a few minutes later, always in a hurry 
to get back to her first love...engineering.  "Tom!  Harry!  
I't so wonderful you're all right."  She flung her arms 
around both of them, then hurried back to get her own tray 
before sitting down with them.

"You *are* all right, the both of you,"  she confirmed, the 
concern evident in her eyes.

"Yes, B'Elanna, we're fine," said Tom.

"No one told us what was going on," she continued, "We 
though you were *dead* for a while...the government wouldn't 
give us any information."

"I'll admit their legal system leaves a lot to be desired," 
said Harry, becoming more and more subdued.
	
"So what did happen?" she asked softly.

Tom and Harry looked at one another, then Tom replied for 
the both of them, "Um, not just yet, B'Elanna.  We...it was 
pretty intense.  Just give us a little more time."  Her eyes 
widened, but she didn't push the issue.


"All right," she said, and remained quiet for the next few 
moments, toying with her fork.  "I was wondering..." she 
said.  "Hmm, never mind.  I'm sure when you're ready, you'll 
tell me.  Harry, I know you guys have some time off, but 
would you be able to spare me a few moments today?  I have a 
little bit of a mystery in engineering I wouldn't mind your 
insight on."

Harry looked at Tom before answering, "Sure, B'Elanna, no 
problem.  What time?"

"Is 1100 good for you?" she asked, "I have a few other loose 
ends to tie up before concentrating any time on side 
projects."  She abruptly ended the conversation there and 
looked at both of them closely, not commenting but looking 
as though she had something to say.

Tom knew damn well what she was thinking.  The two of them 
had come to know one another surprisingly well, and she 
could read him better than anyone else on the ship could, by 
far.  He admired her discretion, but didn't want to leave 
her in the dark.  If anyone deserved to be told in person, 
if was B'Elanna.

Harry, too, thought he knew the underlying question in the 
conversation.  He couldn't have been acting like himself, 
but there were so many reasons for that.  So much had 
changed in the last few days, nothing seemed the same any 
more.  B'Elanna was staring into Tom's eyes, the beginnings 
of a bemused smirk on her face.  The question that she 
wanted to ask was in her eyes, but not on her lips.

Harry was the one who took the initiative in answering her, 
taking Tom's hand into both of his own and kissing the back 
of it lightly.  For a moment they became lost in one 
another's eyes, the very picture of deep emotion, perhaps 
even love.  B'Elanna was hesitant to interrupt, but 
fortunately she didn't have to.  They were very casually 
able to turn away from one another and face her again, still 
holding hands.

"I guess that answers my question," said B'Elanna, the smirk 
becoming a genuine smile on her face,  "I'm not sure what to 
say."

"Then don't say anything," said Tom, "What's to say?  So 
what is this little side project you're working on, anyway?"

As the conversation turned to her work, and away from Tom 
and Harry, they all became noticeably more relaxed.  "Just a 
little experiment, you could say.  After your rather daring 
rescue, I was impressed by the maneuverability of Neelix's 
ship.  I had thought it was little more than a moving 
junkpile, but I decided more examination might be in order.  
It turns out that there are a few quirks in the system that 
look to be promising attachments to the Voyager.  The 
Captain doesn't know anything about this, of course.  Though 
I don't know how long that will last--I had to ask Neelix 
for permission to work with his ship and I don't know how 
long he is going to keep his mouth shut."

Harry and B'Elanna became more and more involved in the 
discussion of Neelix's unique propulsion systems, so Tom 
decided to give the breakfast a try.  Immediately, he 
regretted the decision; he felt as though the skin was being 
burned from his tongue, slowly and torturously.  He let out 
a small cough, then a louder one.

"Tom, are you okay?" asked Harry, standing up and moving his 
hand to Tom's shoulder.

"Fine, fine," said Tom, waving his hand as if to tell Harry 
to sit back down, which he didn't,  "It's enough to make me 
miss leola root!  I never thought I"d hear myself say 
*that*!"

"There are a lot of things I never expected to hear you 
say," commented Harry, finally sitting down, "If there was 
ever a week for you to say them..."  He halted abruptly and 
looked at B'Elanna, a little embarrassed.

"Well, she said, "I'm going to be late.  Harry, I'll see you 
later.  Tom...both of you...good luck.  I'll see you for 
dinner."  Leaving an almost full plate of food on the table, 
she rushed from the mess hall at her usual frantic pace.  
Tom coughed again, but it was clear his culinary crisis was 
over.

Harry looked down at his plate, his contact with Tom 
severed.  "Look, I have a bit of an errand to run, do you 
mind if I meet you back in your quarters , say, after I meet 
with B'Elanna?"  He didn't look up at his lover as he said 
this.

"Sure," said Tom agreeably, "Of course, if you plan to spend 
*so much* time away, you'll have to make it up to me when 
you get back."  Harry grinned and looked at him, planting a 
quick kiss on his lips as he stood once again.

"I'll see you soon," he promised, then left Tom alone in the 
mess hall.  He looked at the two full plates on the table in 
front of him.  Neelix is going to be furious, he thought, 
but he left his own plate, near-full, next to the other two 
and quietly slipped out of the room.

***************

Harry walked down the corridor on deck six and into holodeck 
3.  "Computer," he said to the empty room, "Activate program 
Kim-2."  The room abruptly became a tastefully formal 24th 
century living room.  There was only one character in the 
room, a middle-aged Asian woman with a broad smile and open 
arms.

"Harry!" she exclaimed and got up from the couch.

"Hi, Mom," he said with a bittersweet smile, walking over to 
her and giving her a big hug.

Afterwards, she held him at arms length and looked him over,  
"What's the matter, son?  Is something wrong?"  Harry had 
already told his 'mother" where he was, what had happened to 
the Voyager.  At first he had come to see her about once a 
week, but his visits had become less and less frequent.  He 
had made friends aboard the ship, found things to occupy his 
time.  The last time he had run this program was over 3 
months ago.

Harry felt the tears forming in his eyes.  This may not have 
been his real mother, but she was a damn good facsimile.  
"I...I.." Harry broke down and told his mother the whole 
story, starting with shore leave and ending just before his 
night with Tom.  He knew she would be able to read between 
the lines, but the most important parts of the story he had 
related to her himself.

"Oh, my poor dear.  You father and I, we tried so hard to 
protect you from such things.  I knew Starfleet would mean 
you would be hurt so, but I let you do it anyway.  Oh 
Harry."  She gave him another hug and sat him down on the 
couch with her.

"What do I do now?" he asked pitifully.  "Mom, I feel 
so...."  He didn't know the word he was looking for.  Prison 
had changed him, changed the way he saw things, saw people.  
He wasn't sure he liked the changes.  In fact, he knew he 
didn't.

"Your friend, the young man who you went to the planet with, 
perhaps you should tell him these things."

"He was there, Mom, he knows."

"He knows what happened, sure, but he doesn't know it the 
way *you* saw it, only the way *he* saw it.  Harry, honey, 
he was in prison before, he knew what it would be like.  He 
doesn't know what it was like for you, coming from your life 
and being thrown into that."

"But..."

"Hush, no buts.  Listen to your mother...you always used 
to."  Harry gave her a guilty look, knowing that she was 
right but also knowing how much had changed since the last 
time he really saw her.  "I can see that you care about him.  
If he feels the same about you, he will help."

"I know he will," said Harry, "It's the asking that's the 
hard part."

"Harry, love, it's so hard for me to see you hurt this way.  
When your father and I took you from that orphanage when you 
were 5 years old, we vowed you would never be hurt that way 
again."

"I don't remember," he said, not for the first time.

"I know you don't," she said, "And that's for the best. Oh 
Harry, you don't know how much I miss you."  Harry did know, 
and gave her a kiss on the cheek before continuing their 
long-overdue conversation.

****************


1100 hours came around quickly for Harry. He gave his mother 
a quick hug good-bye and ended the program with promises of 
another visit soon.  Even with his "mother" at his disposal, 
he still felt safe and right only in Tom's arms. He hoped 
that would change soon...he could just imagine Captain 
Janeway's reaction to them embracing on the bridge.  Or 
Chakotay!  Harry stifled a laugh at that mental picture.  He 
was already running late and Tom's quarters were closer so 
he headed for them.  Tom was asleep, but Harry had the 
security code to get in.  He rummaged through Tom's civilian 
clothing and found a pair or worn blue jeans and a black 
cotton shirt that he thought would fit him comfortably.  The 
jeans were a little bit tight, but they would do.  Giving 
Tom a kiss on the forehead, Harry slipped out of his 
quarters and headed down to engineering.

B'Elanna was there, waiting for him.  "You're late," she 
said accusingly, but with a smile on her face.

"Sorry," he said, "I had something to take care of.  And 
*not* the kind of business you're thinking of," he said, 
noticing the look on her face.  "I left Tom shortly after 
you did.  So let's see what you've discovered."  B'Elanna 
looked at Harry more appreciatively than she had before.  
Tom's clothing looked good on him...and she *did* know full 
well who the clothing belonged to.

She led him down to the shuttlebay, where Neelix's ship was 
kept and they boarded it.  "I'll admit I had a bit of 
trouble figuring out his computer system, but it is 
relatively compatible with our own."  Harry looked around 
the ship for the second time ever, the first time since 
their rescue.  His mind flashed back to the brief trip to 
Voyager, Tom's head in his lap, moaning deliriously and no 
one able to do anything with no adequate medical supplies 
aboard.  The worried look on Janeway's face, Tuvok's 
impassive stare, the palpable silence.  He wasn't seeing the 
ship as it was now, he was reliving the moments of then.

"Harry," said B'Elanna, "Harry!  Tell me what you think of 
this."  He snapped out of it and walked over to the console 
where she was standing.  "This is what I'm talking about.  
See this reading here?  I don't recognize its significance 
to the impulse propulsion."

Harry looked at the reading, "B'Elanna, are you sure it has 
*any* significance at all?"

"It must," she said, "It's the only difference I can find.  
Somehow it contributes to the maneuverability of the ship.  
If I can use this on Voyager, or the shuttlecraft at 
least..."

"Then what?  What will it prove?  So we can outrun a few 
Kazon?  It still won't get us home."

B'Elanna bit back anything she might have wanted to say.  
She knew Harry was still on edge from his recent experience, 
that he didn't mean it.  "I thought that you would be a 
little more interested.  Didn't you write a paper on 
anomalous particles while you were in the academy?"

"How did you...?  Well, it doesn't matter, not really."

"Doesn't it interest you any more?"

"Oh it does."  Harry thought about what he was saying.  "I'm 
sorry.  I guess my mind's not really on this."

"I guess not," said B'Elanna, "I'm not sure where it 
is...though I have my suspicions."  She smiled at him, 
trying to lighten his mood."

"I wish you were right," he said, then tried to concentrate 
his attention on her pet project.  "I'm not sure you're 
going about this the right way B'Elanna.  You're trying to 
isolate them and see their effect.  Maybe it would be better 
to see how they interact with the other particles, to see 
what effect they might have.  It may be that the original 
particles" behaviour can be changed by the new environment 
created."

B'Elanna didn't miss the subtext, but again decided not to 
comment.  Whatever Harry was feeling, they were his feelings 
to deal with.  She just hoped that, someday soon, she would 
have her old friend, Harry Kim, back.

"Hmmm, you might be right," she said thoughtfully, "I'll 
have to consider that.  Thanks for coming down here with 
me."

"It was no problem," said Harry, almost by reflex.  "I'll 
see you..."

"At dinnertime.  The Mess Hall.  You and Tom...don't 
forget!"

"We'll be there," said Harry, "We always are."  He left the 
ship and shuttlebay and headed back up to his quarters. They 
seemed so empty for some reason.  They were his things, but 
they didn't feel much like him any more.  The person who had 
worn these clothes, played this music, slept in this bed--
that was someone he'd know a long time ago.  How much could 
things possibly change in just a few days?  Not this much 
surely!  How could he feel so different about himself--about 
everything--in so little time.

He didn't give himself any more time to contemplate it, he 
lay down on top of his bed and fell asleep almost 
immediately...