Blair sat in the truck and watched Jim greet his old friend. He hadn't really told him anything about him at all, so Blair was understandably tense when he saw how they greeted one another. Jim could be so infuriating sometimes, leaving Blair out of the loop like that. I guess he doesn't see me as a partner yet Blair reasoned. It's not as though we've known each other for very long, I should be thankful he accepts me as easily as he does.
And after their rocky beginnings, Jim had accepted him readily into his work and even into his life. Blair had spent a number of evenings at Jim's loft exploring his senses with him and even just hanging out. He loved the place, so much brighter than his own warehouse with a great view from the balcony. I think he's really beginning to realize he needs me as much as I need him.
He watched the easy affection between the two men, and his jealousy surprised him. Jim had come a long way towards accepting him in his life, but he had never held him like that. I want Jim to hold me? It was definitely more of a brotherly relationship between them, Blair realized quickly, and he knew that wasn't what he wanted. If only he wasn't so damn gorgeous and so damn noble I would be able to keep my thoughts completely professional.
That wasn't the case, though, and his eyes never left Jim as he talked to Danny. It should have been just a run-of-the- mill meet, and when Jim gave Danny a hug good-bye Blair settled back into his seat for the ride back to Jim's place and in his head he ran through a couple of tests he wanted to try with Jim.
Jim turned back to the car as Danny started up his motorcycle, but then Jim's eyes focused on something in the distance and he quickly turned back to the departing man, yelling "Danny!" Blair had learned how to tell when Jim was using his Sentinel senses, so he didn't even turn to see what Jim had been looking at. Then he heard the gunshot.
With a stunned look on his face, he watched Jim run over to Danny and begin to drag him out of the way. Even the second gunshot didn't shake him from his shocked pose. It wasn't until Jim stared right at him and shouted for him to get down that he moved at all, and when the third gunshot struck the windshield right above him he was off like a shot.
When he came upon Jim and Danny, Jim was removing the younger man's helmet. Fully aware of what was going on again, Blair longed to reach out and touch his partner, give him some degree of comfort after watching his friend be shot, but he didn't know what to do. He didn't know how to do it. And he didn't know how Jim would feel if he did.
He'd always had this image in his head of what cops should be, and Jim Ellison had lived up to every expectation. Slowly, though, he was seeing the more human side. That vulnerability had never, ever been as pronounced as this. Even when Jim was nervous or upset, he always had a certain stoicism about him. And here he was, starting to break down before Blair's very eyes. Oh, Jim, I want to hold you and make you forget all of this. But I can't, and you can't let me.
Then he saw the blood. "Oh, God," he said. He saw where the blood was coming from and he knew, just knew, that Danny was dead.
"Call an ambulance," said Jim calmly. Blair looked at him in disbelief. Couldn't he see? He was a cop, and military before that, he'd seen dead people before, couldn't he tell? Then Blair saw the determined denial in his face and understood. He reached out himself and felt for a pulse. There was none.
"Come on buddy," said Jim, starting CPR. Then he began to lose his cool. "Call an ambulance!" he shouted frantically.
"It's too late," Blair told him.
"It's not too late, now call an ambulance!" Jim's hands were pounding at Danny's chest and it was clear he had lost sight of what was happening here in his grief. His body was clenched up so tight Blair thought he might implode. It was as if he thought that controlling his body would control his emotions too.
"Come on, buddy," Jim was repeating over and over while Blair tried to tell him that Danny was gone. Finally, Blair pushed Jim off of Danny's limp body, trying force instead of reason. Jim seemed to come to grips with what had happened, "No...Danny," he said his voice rising. Then he lost what control he had left. "NO!" he screamed to the night sky, his hands, stained with Danny's blood, held helplessly in front of him.
Blair didn't know what to do. His whole intent had been to get Jim to realize that Danny was dead. Now that the reality had sunk in, he didn't know how to deal with Jim's sobbing form. Carefully, and more than a little nervously, he wrapped his arms around his partner. Jim didn't even seem to notice at first, a captive of his own grief. Then, so lightly that Blair barely noticed at first, his hands came around the other man's body and touched his back.
He could hear sirens coming closer as Jim sobbed on his shoulder. The embrace tightened, until it felt as though Jim was squeezing the breath out of his lungs. "Jim," he whispered. "Jim!" Jim's grip loosened slightly, but he didn't release his partner.
"Oh God," he said, then repeated it over and over again "Ohgodohgodohgodohgodohgod." Blair still didn't know what to say. I don't even know him! I only met him a few weeks ago. How am I supposed to know what he needs to hear? "Blair, Blair, he's dead."
"Yeah, Jim, he is," said Blair carefully. "Jim, I'm sorry. I don't know what else to say."
"I don't want to lose anyone else," said Jim, and Blair knew he wasn't talking to him, but he answered anyway.
"You aren't going to lose me, Jim. You're never going to lose me."
It happened before Blair realized what was going on. One moment Jim's cheek was resting on Blair's shoulder and the next their lips were pressed together. His eyes widened, but he didn't try to pull away.
When Jim pulled away, his eyes were as wide as Blair's. Hastily, Blair used his sleeve to wipe off the tear-streaks on Jim's cheeks. "The police are only a couple of blocks away," he said. Jim nodded wordlessly and released Blair, standing up. Hesitantly, he held out his hand to help Blair to his feet as well. He didn't release it right away.
"Blair," he said. "Danny." His voice started to break. "I can't deal with this right now." He stood up straighter. "I'll need to give them a statement. So will you." Blair nodded and Jim released his hand. "Blair, I'm sorry. We'll talk. Later." Blair nodded again as the police rounded the corner and arrived on the scene.